Sometimes I Question the Journey

“Faith isn’t believing without proof – it’s trusting without reservation.”

~William Sloane Coffin 

So I’ve been having one of those days where I’m wondering what all of this is for.  What is the point of pursuing all of my dreams when the journey to get to them is so daunting and frustrating and exhausting and painful?  When I still find myself having to worry where the next flow of income is going to come from and nothing is definite (which is what the beginning stages of a writing career looks like), it makes me wonder what I am really struggling for.

I am a chronic worrier and while I know that it is not good for my health to stress about things that are beyond my control I still somehow manage to do it.  I keep thinking, this year it’s going to happen for me just the way that it’s supposed to, and then it doesn’t so I get geared up for the next year to be the year that my hard work begins to pay off.  Yet still, not the rewards I had hoped to be reaping by now.

I get worried sometimes that this is all for nothing.  The struggle, the sacrifices, the tears, the anxiety, the not knowing, all of the things that come with following your dreams and just throwing caution to the wind.  I wonder if I made the right decision years ago and if maybe I was wrong about my ability to really make this work.

Yeah it’s been one of those days.  I have those days sometimes, and some are worse than others.  But then I remember that writing is something that I live for.  It is my purpose in this world and it is my vehicle to express myself and to be able to change the world.  Writing is something that I was born to do and it is the purpose that God gave me in this world.  On the days when I am in a state of constant worry and when I am wondering what the point of it all is I will have to try harder to remember that the point is to serve my purpose no matter how hard the struggle or how long the journey.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

 

Write 2 Be Magazine is now out so please go check it out at http://write2bemagazine.com/.  Also please go and join the magazine on twitter https://twitter.com/write2bemag, join the email listing for the magazine or submit a request for an author interview at Write2bemagazine@yahoo.com, and also like the Write 2 Be Magazine fan page https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine.  Please help support my endeavor and my new journey and help me spread the word about Write 2 Be and its meaning.

We Have To Be Aware of What We Are Inviting Into Our Lives

“God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a disciplined mind.”

~ 2 Timothy 1:7

It’s a new week and I am starting off this week feeling inspired.  I was watching Joel Osteen again yesterday (another one of those instances where I accidentally turned to the channel) and the topic of his message was fear, specifically activating faith instead of activating fear.  Obviously this is an issue that I have within myself because I have been known to miss a lot of opportunities due to my fear for one thing or another.

However, this message wasn’t just discussing how fear holds you back but rather about how dwelling on our fears is giving those fears power and essentially when we are fearful we are coming into agreement with whatever it is that we are afraid of, therefore giving it a right to become a reality.  There were so many things that Joel Osteen spoke about in his message that struck a chord with me and I really wanted to share them with those of you out there who feel like they are constantly fearful of whatever might happen and who increasingly worry about being defeated and failing.  Below I have listed the things that had the most impact on me and maybe they can impact your life as well:

  1. Whatever you meditate on is what is going to take root.
  2. Fear and faith have something in common; they both ask us to believe something is going to happen that we can not see.
  3. Fear is using your faith in the wrong direction.
  4. The first place that we lose the battle is in our own thinking.
  5. When you go around dwelling on your fears, expecting the worst to happen, you are inviting the worst into your life.
  6. By worrying you are saying that you do not have faith in what God has in store for you.
  7. When the enemy is placing negative thoughts in your mind and you agree with those negative thoughts, you are coming into agreement with that negativity;  Pay attention to what you are coming into agreement with.
  8. Fear always presents itself to look much bigger than it really is.
  9. Fear can create a barrier; wrong thinking can keep you from God’s best.
  10. Don’t agree with what the fear says about you, agree with what God says about you.

In the end of his message Joel Osteen asked two really important questions.  How many times do we kill our own dreams with our thoughts and how many times have we stopped God’s blessings and his favor because we are dwelling on the fear?  We give the fear we have way too much power and by giving it that power we in a sense agree with whatever our fear tells us is going to happen.

Fear has become something that the majority of us deal with on a pretty consistent basis (I feel like I am attacked by it most times) but watching Joel Osteen yesterday I started to realize that the key to dealing with fear is not to face it head on, but rather to not even invite it in your life to begin with.  Instead of worrying about all of the things that can or have gone wrong, take note of all of the things that have not gone wrong and trust in the fact that God would never put anything on your path that was meant to harm you or to keep you from the destiny that he has prepared for you.

Rather than inviting fear and defeat (or bad luck) into your everyday life, invite victory and realize that with every obstacle that we face and every hurdle that we jump over, we are becoming even more victorious in reaching the life we were destined to have.  Have you been unknowingly inviting all of the things that you are afraid of into your life?  Don’t activate fear, activate faith!  When fear knocks, let faith answer the door.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

Write 2 Be Magazine is now out so please go check it out at http://write2bemagazine.com/.  Also please go and join the magazine on twitter https://twitter.com/write2bemag, join the email listing for the magazine or submit a request for an author interview at Write2bemagazine@yahoo.com, and also like the Write 2 Be Magazine fan page https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine.  Please help support my endeavor and my new journey and help me spread the word about Write 2 Be and its meaning.

Beware of the False Negatives

I think that sometimes people, particularly artists, have a hard time trusting ourselves.  I’ve noticed that with myself at least.  I know I’ve shared with all of you in the past that I constantly second guess myself and then when I decide on something, I rethink it and wonder if I made the right choice.  I wonder if I’m good enough.  Sometimes I even think that when I have confidence in something that I might be getting too far ahead of myself because maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t be nearly as confident as I am.

I tend to give advice to others about trusting their gut and doing what they know if right for them and trust that God will not steer them wrong or allow them to get too far off course.  I give good advice that I never seem to be able to take myself.  I seem to have no problem filling my head with all of these false negatives, I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not strong enough, I didn’t work hard enough, I didn’t try enough, but the odd thing is that deep down inside I know those to be false statements and yet they are so much easier to believe then the truth.  Why do we do that?

We tell ourselves the worst, perhaps trying to not allow ourselves to get big headed or to get overly confident or to get our hopes up, but why shouldn’t we be all of those things?  Why shouldn’t we be confident and why shouldn’t our hopes be raised?  Joel Osteen said something in one of his sermons that stuck with me.  He said “you can’t have faith if you don’t first have hope”.  We’re always so worried about the other shoe dropping from somewhere out of the sky to make everything around us crumble.

The fact is that so many things can go wrong that we don’t need to add to it by standing by and waiting for what we presume might be the inevitable.  Instead of worrying about this invisible shoe from some unknown place and filling our heads with all of these false negatives that we like to tell ourselves about our own abilities, why don’t we just chose to act now.  Act on those instincts, don’t second guess, don’t over think, don’t wonder if you’re good enough, don’t question all that might go wrong, just take action.

Think of all of the opportunities you’re walking right pass while you are worrying and waiting for that other shoe that just might never drop.  It’s a false expectation that helps to foster all of those false negatives that you have come to rely on to be true.  Sometimes the lies we tell ourselves can end up being the death of all of our dreams.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

 

Write 2 Be Magazine is now out so please go check it out at http://write2bemagazine.com/.  Also please go and join the magazine on twitter https://twitter.com/write2bemag, join the email listing for the magazine or submit a request for an author interview at Write2bemagazine@yahoo.com, and also like the Write 2 Be Magazine fan page https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine.  Please help support my endeavor and my new journey and help me spread the word about Write 2 Be and its meaning.

When Hitting a Rock, Just Keep Digging

I opened my emails yesterday and there was a message from Tyler Perry (sent days prior, just unopened) talking about digging deep until we get to where it is we are going and where we know God wants us to be.  He advised that even if you hit rock, if you know that it’s what’s meant for you, just keep digging.

It got me to thinking about just how long I have been digging this well (meaning my attempt at being a successful freelance writer) and just how long it seems like I have been hitting nothing but rock.  I don’t just mean rock that is movable and pliable with just a few whacks either.  I mean really hard, strong, take ten people to move, kind of rock.

Obviously I know that there are many people who are worse off than me and who might look at me and wonder what I am complaining about, and they may be right where it pertains to them.  But when you are hitting nothing but rock you really feel like it is the worst position you can be in and you feel like there is no way to move through it or past it.

But then I remember that I have faith and I have God and while I may not be able to move a rock that would ordinarily take ten people to be able to move, God is said to be able to move mountains.  In Tyler Perry’s email he spoke about hitting the rock and eventually being able to dig deeper, past that rock, and reaching your well of blessings.

I’m not sure how close I am to that well yet, but I have a feeling that there’s only so much rock left to hit and that my well is right around the corner.  I don’t know how many of you out there feel the same way, like all you’ve been hitting lately is nothing but rock while trying to get to your well, but don’t stop digging because your well may just be right past that rock.  Don’t give up too soon, I know I’m not.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

 

Write 2 Be Magazine will be debuting on January 15th, 2013 so please go join the magazine on twitter before it debuts on https://twitter.com/write2bemag and join the email listing for the magazine at Write2bemagazine@yahoo.com.  Also please feel free to like my Write 2 Be Magazine fan page https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine.  Please help support my endeavor and my new journey and help me spread the word about Write 2 Be and its meaning.

 

Tapping Into the Inner Child In All of Us

I wrote yesterday about the fears that hold me back and releasing those fears.  Writing it down was quite therapeutic in many ways.  Then I read a blog post this morning from one of the many that I follow that made me think about when I was a child.

When we are children there is rarely anything that we are afraid of.  We are told (well I wasn’t told this but most children were and I believed it was true as well) that anything that you want is possible if you put your mind to it and go after it.  Children don’t really see the negative when it comes to their dreams and the future that they think up for themselves.  They try time and time again and they NEVER give up.

Think of how many times your children have tried to persuade you into getting something that they wanted and were relentless until (most likely) you finally gave in or miraculously made it happen.  My best friend Ms. L. and I are always having the situation where our kids are asking for something that they really want (because everything kids want is a matter of life or death in their mind) and it usually seems impossible for us to get them those things but their faith is unshakable and they hold firm to the fact that they are going to win out in the end.

Meanwhile we are both scratching our heads trying to think of how to make what they want possible.  Needless to say, some miraculous way we manage to be able to give them their hearts desire and all the while they never had any doubt that we would.  In their minds it was always going to work out to their benefit and just the way they wanted it.  Now that’s some kind of faith.  Just imagine if we could all tap back into that childlike faith when it comes to our dreams and our hearts desires.

I go to the skating rink all the time and I watch these kids do all of these tricks and amazing things on skates and it’s not that they are all trained to do them, it’s that they are fearless in trying.  They don’t care if they fall because they’ll just get back up and try it again.  They don’t care if they don’t get it the first, second, or third time around, they will just keep going until they finally do get it.  Meanwhile the adults (myself included) are watching in awe, wishing that we could do just half of the things they are able to do instead of actually just going out and trying it.

If we could all just stop standing by and watching while everyone else is doing the things that we long to be doing then just imagine what we could do in this world, for our lives, for our children’s lives.  We keep limiting the things that we can do but should we be.  I mean obviously we can’t miraculously (by ourselves) make the world the better place that I’m sure we all desire it to be and yeah sure we can’t actually hold the whole world in the palm of our hands but why the hell can’t we at least try.

Perhaps we could try looking at obstacles and struggles from a child’s point of view; with unyielding faith and unstoppable determination.  Think about it this way, children seem to get everything that they want simply because they believe that they will.  So let’s try having a little more faith and a lot less wonder.  They more you keep wondering about whether or not something is going to happen, the more you are actually wondering away from the very thing that you want.  Don’t wonder away from your dreams, just have faith that they ARE going to come true.

I have the Write 2 Be Persistent and Determined… What is your Write 2 Be?

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

 

Write 2 Be Magazine will be debuting on January 15th, 2013 so please go join the magazine on twitter before it debuts on https://twitter.com/write2bemag and join the email listing for the magazine at Write2bemagazine@yahoo.com.  Also please feel free to go and friend me on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310 and like my Write 2 Be Magazine fan page.  Please help support my endeavor and my new journey and help me spread the word about Write 2 Be and its meaning.

Riding Around On a Near Empty Tank

I was reading an article on the Freelance Writer’s Den website that is supposed to help struggling freelance writers figure out how to better market themselves and their business.  There are a total of 21 marketing tips and I have decided to take one at a time and kind of marinate on them and really take them in and process them.  The first one is of course that you have to believe in your product, in this case, me.  

It commented on the obvious fears that freelance writers, or writers in general, experience as they try to build their business and get them off the ground good, especially the one’s that are struggling to even get the wheels of the plane up.  It gave a couple of suggestions about how to fill up your positive-feelings tank and I thought that was a good and interesting way to look at it.  

If my confidence this week were a gas tank I would be really close to empty right now and I have to work on filling that tank up and keeping it damn near full all the time (if not always full).  The list that the article gave on how to re-build your confidence and positive feelings about yourself included many things but the things that stuck out to me were to avoid negative and toxic people and surround yourself with people who think you are great, flipping through your portfolio of work to remind yourself how good you are, and to list your strengths as a writer.  

Now I am working on making sure I surround myself with positive energy and people that exude that, and I have occasionally flipped through my portfolio of work and was astonished at some of the things that I have produced, but one thing that I have never done is make a list of my strengths as a writer and as a person.  Perhaps I will try that this weekend and perhaps that will help to fill my positive-feelings tank (or as I like to refer to it as my confidence tank) up to its highest capacity.  

It’s not that I don’t believe that I am a good writer (most of the time) and that I was meant to communicate with my words.  It’s that I worry way too much about whether everyone else will agree and my confidence as far as other people finding my writing great is wavering, a lot.  I still haven’t worked through all of my fears but I know that I’m going to get there.  

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

The Lesson That A Cinematic Genius In the Making Has Taught Me

I think that anyone who knows me knows that I don’t mind learning valuable lessons from children.  Sometimes the people who show us whether or not we are moving in the right direction or whether or not we’re just stuck standing still are the children that are a part of our lives, whether it be our own or someone else’s child.  

My best friend Ms. L has an 11 year old cinematic genius in the making.  It is amazing to think that at his young age he can make his own movies, cut and edit film, put together book trailers and produce graphic artwork as if it were as easy as breathing.  He is truly a gifted little boy and Ms. L told me last night that he has finally decided that he wants to make a go of it as a real official business so that he can make the money he needs to afford the more high tech things that he needs to go even further in his adventures of film making.  

I mean it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s so talented because his mom is essentially the most gifted writer that I know.  What amazes me even more is the fact that in one night he managed to make this decision, create him a website (a freebie one—he is a kid after all), create business cards and rehearse his spiel that would land him his first of many clients (which he got the next day by the way).  In one night.  I am 32 and have been working at making my dream a reality for the last decade or so and I am still not as far along as I should be.  It really made me (and Ms. L too) think ‘what the hell am I doing and why am I wasting so much time?’  

I keep getting in my own way, so much so that I’m sometimes not even able to recognize that that is what I am doing.  I tell myself that I will get rejected for an article before I even bother to try sending it off.  I tell myself that no one will like the story or characters I have created before actually giving it a real shot.  I constantly tell myself all of the reasons why I can’t do something without seeing the most important reason why I can, because it was something that I was meant to do.  

I believe that everyone is talented at something and even if there are a hundred writers out there who are just as talented as I am, it is only me who can write the stories that I was meant to write and who can tell them in only the way that I can.  I’m no Maya Angelou, or Terry McMillan, or Alice Walker, but I am Jimmetta Carpenter and just as I can not write the way that they do, they can not write the way that I do either.  

Ms. L.’s son has so much belief in himself that he is not letting the fact that he’s 11 and has no real money of his own to fund his business stop him.  He’s just diving right in and handling whatever hiccups happen along the way.  My God if an 11 year old can have that frame of mind about his business then why on earth can’t I.  My best friend’s son doesn’t realize the lesson that his leap of faith has taught me but one day he will realize that he just showed me that the only person that is really in my way, is me.  

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

Oh the Obstacles We Duck and Dodge While Investing In Our Future

“If you make the investment up front, the return will come back later.”

~Bishop T.D. Jakes 

As writers we go through many obstacles, if we’re lucky, before ever really hitting our stride in our career (and I say our, because I am speaking my future successes into existence even though it is not quite a reality yet).  We go through tons of rejection, writer’s block, having doubters and negativity with anyone who doesn’t see the vision, and often times we are our own and biggest obstacle that stands in the way.  

I was just talking to Ms. L. earlier and saying that I really wish that my journey to this success that I know I am destined for could be going a lot smoother and with a few less obstacles to stumble over.  But then I quickly took that back because I remembered something I heard while listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes talk about living your life on purpose.  He talked about making investments in your future, in your purpose, and how sometimes our mistakes and our struggles are our investments.  

They are what make our successes all the more worthwhile.  He said that sometimes “what you think is working against you is actually working for you” and that “it is the digression that causes the progression”.  I suppose that is what is meant when people say what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger (although it never feels like that when you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through).  Our struggles are in many ways our fuel and motivation to keep going and to keep dodging those obstacles as they come.  

Bishop T.D. Jakes also said that when it comes to making investments into your future “you can never reap of a dividend where you don’t make an investment—you sow first and reap later; you can’t sow and reap at the same time.”  I suppose that I have to be a little more patient as I make my investments and have a little bit more faith that everything will work out the way that it should.  

I can’t honestly say that all of the obstacles along my journey have not had their purpose.  It may not have felt like it at that particular point in time, but looking back on them now, they all, in so many ways, served their purpose.  I think that all of the struggles that we go through are simply just preparation for when our success comes to fruition.  Then we’ll be able to say to anyone who has something to throw at us to bring it on because there won’t be anything that they have to hit us with that we can’t handle.  

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

Am I Letting the Devil Steal What is Rightfully Mine?

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

-1 Peter 5:8 

I had one of those deep thought provoking conversations today at the gym with the guy that’s training me.  It always seems like we have those conversation exactly when my mind is filling itself with a bunch of doubt and lack of motivation.  As the conversation went on and I shared more of my doubts (fears really) he asked me a very important question that stumped me for a minute but was one that I think all of us self-doubters need to ask ourselves.  He asked me ‘Why are you letting Satan steal what’s yours?’  

He went on to say that with all of the gifts that I possess and the purpose that I was placed here on this earth to do I am in line for so many great successes and abundant rewards, but every time I let that doubt settle in my mind I am allowing Satan to steal what’s mine, little by little.  I had never thought about my many bouts of doubt that way.  He’s right.  I never realized that that was what I was doing.  I never knew that I was giving the Devil that much authority over the journey of my life, and inevitably, over the destination that I arrive at.  

I feel like I do follow the guidance of God on my path but it didn’t dawn on me that those obstacles and bumps on the road that I keep hitting were the Devil capitalizing on my own self-doubt.  I don’t always doubt myself but on the days that I do I seem to be continuously leaving a crack in the door for Satan to work his way in there and steal my successes and my rewards, leaving me feeling more doubtful than ever.  I get what the Devil is trying to do now and I don’t plan on leaving that door open anymore, not even a tiny crack.  

I know what I’m worth and I know what my words are worth.  I know that God has given me a purpose to fulfill and I can not continue to doubt what he has told me I should be doing.  If he didn’t feel that I was up to the task, he wouldn’t have constructed the task solely for me.  It is nothing but the Devil that has me doubting myself and I admit that he was been really busy with me lately.  Well the Devil can continue to be busy, but just not with me, not anymore. 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

Is It Really Worth Taking the Leap?

“Man cannot discover new oceans until he has courage to lose sight of the shore.”
~Unknown 

So last week I sent off for some more of my books.  I couldn’t get that many because, well, I just don’t have the cash flow right now to get a whole case load, but I got a few that I could sell to make some more ‘seed’ money.  However, there are at least three books that I had planned on setting aside to send to three very important people (to me), Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, and Zane.  

Now I know what some people would think as they are reading this, ‘why send it to people who might never actually read it?’  It’s the same thing I was thinking at first but someone advised me that I never know whether they would read it or not, or whether someone on their staff would read it and like it enough to do things with it that I can’t do with it, not yet anyway.  So I was anxiously waiting for my books and today they came (earlier then expected) and now I sit here rethinking whether I should send it to those three important people or not.  

What if my book just sits in some pile of what they deem to be junk mail or ordinary fan mail and never gets looked at?  What if they look at it and just toss it away in the trash somewhere?  I mean who am I to them that they would find any interest in my book?  What would they find so special about my book that they would pay attention to it?  But then I am reminded of what I posted yesterday and what I am trying to put into a more consistent practice.   

I have to step out on faith and believe in myself to know that not only am I good enough but my book is too, so why wouldn’t they want to pay attention to it.  I said that this stepping out on faith thing was going to take me some time to actually do without questioning it.  But then there are the questions that are going to pop into my head if I don’t send them off.  What if they were to get my book, and read it, and love it?  What if I would be passing up an opportunity that God is placing on my path?  I guess I won’t find out exactly what would happen with my giant leap of faith if I never take that leap. 

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress