Tag: God

Struggling to Find the Light

February 26, 2025 jcladyluv

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.” ~ Denzel Washington

I’ve been feeling quite restless and uncertain lately. Okay, let’s be real, for nearly the last two years, since I lost my home, I’ve been living in a state of limbo and survival mode. It is not a good, or mentally healthy place to be. I’ve also been feeling homesick which I thought was crazy because typically you feel homesick when you’re away from your home and just want to get back to it (as in physically go home) so I’m of the mindset that since I no longer have a physical home of my own, how can I be homesick. When I read my devotional today it ironically talked about home and what that feeling of home truly is. It said that Home is where we discover security and where we belong; home is where we find ourselves and feel love; home defines who we are. That’s what the home I lost was for me. It was where I grew up essentially (I’m not talking about childhood home obviously because that was a nightmare).

I was about 20 years old when I moved into that place with my then boyfriend who I realized the hard way, was not good for me. I was in that home when I realized that I had to teach myself how to love me with all of my imperfections and quirks. I was in that home when I had my daughter and started my own little family of just the two of us and decided I would be the mother to her that I wished I would have had. I was in that home when I, for the first time ever in my life, felt safe and secure and yes, at peace. Then in an instant it was all gone. That safety and security, that growth, that love that I had found in myself, that belief and confidence that I had found within me. Like the snap of a finger, just like that, it was gone.

I have been feeling really homesick lately because now I am not in a place where I feel secure and safe. I am not in a place where I feel loved. I am not in a place where I feel free to be myself. I am not in a place where I feel at peace and it’s frustrating. I don’t like living in survival mode, and I don’t like that my mental health is in constant jeopardy because of having to live in said survival mode. I’m trying to stay positive that things are going to turn out good in the end. I am a spiritual person so I am trying to have faith and believe that whatever storm God takes me through He will pull me through to the other side and won’t leave me.

However, I am struggling to hold onto that positive outlook. I am struggling to believe that all of this can somehow be for my betterment. That said, even though I am struggling to hold on to that faith and that positivity, I am still in fact holding on (for dear life mind you). I think it’s just in my nature to believe that there is a reason for everything.

I heard an interview Tyler Perry did the other day where he was talking about how all things work together for our good and it’s all there to teach us something, so he doesn’t see his failures as that. He sees them as a tool to teach him the lessons he needs to learn for the next venture. He also said something else that I thought was interesting. He doesn’t view closed doors in the way that most people (including myself) view them. He sees a closed door as a wall of a maze and when that wall goes up, blocking us from something that we want (or thought we wanted), it’s just a guidepost to redirect the course we are on so that we follow the new path and keep going. I found that interesting. There are no closed doors, we’re just in a maze and when an obstacle is thrown at us, we just have to redirect and find a new way to get to where it is we’re going.

I like that idea so much better than the image of door slamming in my face so I’m going to use that metaphor. From now on when I start to feel like that light at the end of the tunnel is becoming a lot dimmer and I’m not seeing a way out, I’ll just think of it as a maze. I’m not losing the light. The light is just shifting and changing where it wants me to find it. Yeah, I like that way of looking at it much better.

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeConsistent #BeSteadfast

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Taking Stock and Putting Things Into Perspective

December 30, 2024 jcladyluv

As this year winds down and comes to a close I find myself in the land of wishing. I wish this year had gone the way I wanted it to. I wish that I had published more. I wish that I had found a new home and not had to stay in what feels like a nightmare that I can’t wake up from (lots of stirred up childhood trauma here). I wish that I could have done more, been better, accomplished everything. I know, some of that seems unrealistic but have you met me. I tend to strive for the damn near impossible and I’m okay with that because in the end, if you shoot for the moon, even if you don’t make it there you will still land somewhere amongst the stars. Or something like that.

Anyway, I was feeling in a woe is me kind of mood tonight (I’m writing this on Christmas Eve, well technically it just turned midnight so it’s Christmas now) and to be honest I’m still there but I got to do one of my favorite Christmas Eve traditions that I didn’t get to do last year and that is watch It’s a Wonderful Life. It’s my favorite Christmas movie and I love more than anything, the overall message in the movie. Turns out my daughter has never seen the movie; she would usually always be in her room watching her own favorite Christmas things.

She had me explain what the movie was about tonight (because you know today’s generation knows next to nothing about good old black and white classic movies lol) and in explaining the message in the movie to her I found myself taking stock of what is good right now. In my explanation (by the way I did not do the best job of explaining this movie which is why I don’t write movie reviews lol) I summed it up by saying overall the movie teaches a lesson that no matter how bad you think you have it, no matter how much you think you don’t matter and there’s no one’s life you make more significant by being here, your life is so much better than you think. It’s all about perspective and how you choose to see things.

I heard myself when I explained that part to her and I thought, so why am I choosing to see this year as such a crappy year then (okay it was a crappy year but still). I need to shift my perspective. Sometimes all we need is to be shown things in a different light. We need to have a mirror held up to us, not necessarily just to show us our flaws and imperfections and show us the lessons that we need to learn. Often times that mirror can also reflect just how much you still have to be grateful for. Sort of the glass half full type of mindset.

Yes, I may still technically be homeless, but I do have a roof over my head. Yes, I am having to live in a nightmare and literally staring my trauma in the face on a day-to-day basis, but I realize that I am stronger now than I was when I was younger. Yes, I am in the midst of a depression (which does terrify me) but I feel that I have tools now that I didn’t have at sixteen or even in my early twenties (when darker thoughts almost won) that I believe can help me make it though, and I am making a plan of action to actually get myself into therapy next year. Yes, I have had all of these obstacles tossed at me on the journey to my dreams, but I can choose to see it as a weakness, or I can see it for what it is. Strength.

There is strength in surviving the experiences that you think will break you. The one’s that you think that you’re not really strong enough to handle. There is strength in knowing that you can’t do everything alone and that sometimes you are going to have to reach out to the people around you for help. There is strength in knowing that there are toxic people that are just never going to be in your corner and coming to terms with that and cutting them out of your life.

So, as this year comes to a close, I am taking stock in a lot of things. I can choose to see it one of two ways. I can zero in on everything that’s not going my way and all the things that have gone wrong in the past year and a half (or over the course of my life in general lol). Or I can look at it from the perspective that after everything I’ve been through, all that I’ve endured, or the mental and physical battles I have struggled through, I’m still here. I’m still powering through. I haven’t given up and that says something. That means something.

I hope that you will find that no matter what you think is wrong with your life, you being here to still make things better, you surviving another day, you being someone else’s inspiration, it all matters. It is a Wonderful Life, if that’s how you choose to see it.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BeEmpowered #BeMotivated

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

The Reality I’m Left With

November 25, 2024 jcladyluv

I’d like to think I’m someone who goes after all of my dreams, but the reality is that I’m not. I’ve had so many dreams that I never even tried to attain, all because I let the words of a woman who was supposed to be my biggest supporter in life halt me in my tracks. Growing up my mother used to tell me all of the things I would never be able to accomplish and somewhere along the way I started to believe her and it then became my own belief.

I can’t blame her completely because at a certain age one would think that I would have been able to tune her out, but I never did. Her words always lingered in the back of my mind and with every no, and every rejection that came my way, I started to think she must be right. That the dreams I had were pointless all along. I mean, you tend to think the people who are supposed to always believe in you and your abilities and tell you to shoot for the moon are your parents right? So, what they say must be true, right? I know I always make sure to tell my daughter that there isn’t anything she can’t do if she puts her mind to it. Because you aren’t supposed to run around crushing your child’s dreams. The world is already going to try and do that anyway.

The reality is I did not have that kind of parent who fostered and nurtured my creativity, and I don’t really know why that is. Only she can answer why she purposely tried to tear me down instead of build me up. I realize now, perhaps far too late for it to make a difference, that you should never let someone else’s opinions of you and what you can do alter what you know and believe for yourself. Even if it’s family. I could be so much more than I am right now if I had only let my own belief in me overshadow my mother’s disbelief in me.

The reality is that I am where I am in life because I lost faith, in myself and in the purpose that I believe God has for me in this world. Too many times I let what someone else said or thought I couldn’t do take away my power to even try. I am a big believer in the fact that once you have made yourself aware of where you need to improve things, that awareness will then provide you with the strength you need to take actions that will make things better. As much as I don’t like change, I know that one change I must make is to stop letting the hurtful words of others, family or not, linger in the back of my mind and dictate what I believe about myself.

I know me. I know who God created and what He created me for. I know that He did not bring me through everything that I have been through to just give up and because I know that there are people far older than I am who have pursued dreams that others also thought to be impossible, I know that what I want is not out of the realm of possibility. It doesn’t matter that one person tried their hardest to break me and break my spirit. I may bend but I will not break. I didn’t come this far to give up now.

For anyone who has let other people’s harmful words affect the way you feel about the visions you have for your life, it’s not too late to change that. Don’t give anyone else power over what you know your purpose is. They say that hurt people, hurt people, so maybe that is the excuse for those who have tried to diminish other’s ambitions, but you don’t have to let them succeed in their goal by believing a single thing they have to say. Misery loves company but you don’t have to be the company that misery is seeking to keep.

Until next time… #BeFearless #BeMindful #BeResilient

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

This Too Shall Pass…Or At Least That’s What I’m Told

June 3, 2024 jcladyluv

I was listening to a podcast earlier this morning and it was talking about adversities and about getting to that place in which, even in an anxious state, you can say okay, I’m here and it’s okay because this will not last. This place of endless obstacles and feeling like I’m being tested will not be a constant. This is only for right now and it is arguably preparing you for something far greater than you could have ever imagined. Notably, it won’t feel that way while you’re in that state but as the saying goes, this too shall pass.

What I struggle with is what to do while I am in the midst of those obstacles. What do I do with those feelings of hopelessness and despair. How do I get to that place where I can see the good of all that I’m going through and the inevitable betterment that it will provide me. The logical side of me knows that this is all happening to teach me something and to grow me into a better, stronger, more resilient person. But as I’ve said here before, I’m not always logical in my thinking. Particularly when I’m in a state of depression, I don’t think in the most rational terms, and everything seems like it’s going to get worse without ever getting better. I try to stay positive but some days it’s harder than others to see the purpose in all of this.

That being said, I am a person of faith, even in the instances where my faith starts to slide a little because I find myself wishing I could ask God why He thinks I’m strong enough to go through all of this. Even then, I still know that there is a reason that I am here, a reason for everything that I’ve been through. Maybe it’s to prepare me for greater things but maybe it’s just so I can be there for someone else getting ready to go through their own obstacle course in life so they can know they’re not alone and that they can get through it just like I will.

That’s the interesting thing that I’m realizing about adversity. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you necessarily, as much as it has to do with those you are meant to guide through their own dark tunnel. Now I don’t know if I’m the right guide for anyone honestly but if that’s the purpose God has for me, I will gladly take on that role. Now do I wish I had a little less adversity of my own to deal with? Sure. But do I think that whatever God is up there planning is far better than any plans that I have of my own? Absolutely! I guess I’ll just have to wait for this storm to pass to see clearly what God has in store once I make it through. For now, I’ll just keep pushing forward and walking towards the light at the end of this very long, winding, dark tunnel. If you’re going through your own dark tunnel, just know that you aren’t alone in your struggle.

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeBrave #BeDetermined

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

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The Training Ground That is Adversity

May 13, 2024 jcladyluv

If adversity is a training ground for eventual success, then I have been in intense preparation for years and once I reach whatever success actually is I am going to be the most prepared a person could ever be. At least that is how it feels when it seems like there is an obstacle or stumbling block around every corner. I’m coming up on a year since the bottom was essentially ripped out from underneath my life and I lost my home and more than 20 years’ worth of memories. To say that I am not looking forward to May 19^th would be an understatement. I’ve had a lot of times in my life where I have felt like a failure but never more than that day when I literally lost everything. Or at least it felt as if I lost everything.

However, looking back, I see clearly that I didn’t lose everything, at least not the things that truly count anyway. I lost material possessions sure, but the things that I have always held within, strength, tenacity, courage, passion for my writing (which okay, it slowed a lot because, you know, trauma), and my faith; those things never went anywhere. While sure some days my faith has definitely been tested, and I’ve had days where I look to God and ask why He thinks I can handle this level of adversity because I don’t believe I’m THAT strong, it is mostly still intact.

I know that everything you go through in life is supposed to teach you something and we should never be at a point where we stop learning. If I had to guess what this period in my life was meant to teach me (which one could argue I’m still resisting the lesson lol), it would be that change is inevitable and that you can’t fight against it because it is ultimately for your betterment. If you have been following along with my journey and this blog for years then you know, I HATE CHANGE. I’m a very routine person and I am very averse to things around me changing, even if I know the change is good. I like to know what to expect, and I like things to be the way I believe they will work best for me. No variation, no room for even a slight difference in what I’ve grown accustomed to. The problem is (and logically I’m aware of this) that life doesn’t work best when things stay the same all the time.

Not to say routine isn’t good but you should allow for changes because change can be good too. Instinctively I know this. Some of the best things I’ve had happen in my life have been due to drastic changes and yet still, I don’t like for things to change. I’ve heard people often say that when you’re not making the changes that God wants you to make so that you can fulfill the purpose, he has for you then He will find a way (or the Universe will) to make you have to move in the direction you need to go. I’m starting to feel like what happened to me last year was a way to make the changes in my life happen whether I wanted them to or not.

There are specific things that have already shifted, most likely for the better, that I had been resistant to changing until the situation that happened changed things for me. Would certain realizations have happened if this situation hadn’t forced things to change? Probably not. Simple changes that needed to be made, that I had been refusing to make on my own (I won’t get into all of it because the list is long lol), some beliefs that I had been holding onto about myself that simply weren’t true. I kept resisting certain changes that were necessary and the Universe found the most dramatic way to tell me that you may not like change but you’re going to have no choice now. I feel like the Universe was a little overly dramatic here, but the message has been received.

I am trying to grow more, in many ways. I am trying to not see change as the enemy and adapt to it more. Mostly because now I simply have no choice as there are changes happening all the time now that I can’t avoid. I am trying to understand that while having a routine is certainly not a bad thing, neither is changing things on a whim. I am trying to see the good things that change can bring and embrace them instead of ward them off and rebelling against them.

I was reminded yesterday of a quote from a young lady who auditioned for America’s Got Talent. Her name was Jane, but she went by the name Nightbirde and she was there going for her dreams even though she was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer that only gave her a 2% chance to live. She said that you can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy. These words brought me to tears the first time I heard her say them and even more so yesterday when I was reminded of them.

Times are hard right now for me. Even though I am in what some people will see as a more stable situation because I’m not still in a hotel room waiting for a knock at the door. Things are still hard right now and there are some days where better just seems so far off. But I don’t want to wait for that far off better day in order to find things that make me happy. I can’t wait for a better that may be further away than I care to admit because that’s a long time to not be happy. So, I’m taking in stride this training ground that is my adversity and I’m just going to find some small thing that makes me happy each day to get through each battle as they come. I want you to know that while the battles may keep coming your way, the choice in how you face them is yours. Choose to be happy now, especially when life is hard. Just remember, hard times don’t last always. Remember to take care of yourselves.

Until Next Time… #BeDiligent #BeMindful #BeCourageous

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Here’s to the Month of Planning and the Next Chapter

December 1, 2023 jcladyluv

I can’t believe it’s December already! November was a very hard month, and with the year I’ve had, that’s saying something. Along with the current situation I’ve been in now since the end of May and the fact that it doesn’t seem like it will be getting better before the year is out, I have had to recover from an emergency surgery I certainly didn’t expect to need. I suppose what the circumstances around my surgery taught me was that whatever is meant to happen will happen regardless and sometimes it could be for the better in the end.

Now I don’t mean that having to have emergency surgery is ever a good thing. Of course not. But I was going to just ignore the abdominal pain that I was in. I was going to tough it out and keep pushing forward to try and deal with the life that was crumbling in around me the best I can despite that pain that had decided to pop up out of nowhere. If it weren’t for my daughter insisting that I go to the hospital I would have kept pushing and who knows what would have happened. The doctor certainly seemed to be convinced that had I waited even one more day there could have been dire consequences, and apparently, I had had a hernia for quite some time and just never knew it. The problem was there, just lying dormant, and only just then came to the surface.

I’ve never been very good at taking things easy and sitting down and just resting. I mean even on days that I designate as self-care days I still find myself planning things out that are writing (thus work) related and just doing things to keep busy despite the resting I’m supposed to be doing. The surgery (and perhaps in some way, the Universe) made me have to rest and have to simply be still. It drove me crazy to not be able to do the things that I was used to doing. To not be able to do things for myself and have to rely on other people (mainly my daughter) for help with basic things was frustrating to say the least. The first few weeks I couldn’t even drive which, if you know anything about me, is my peace and my escape when things feel crazy.

I can honestly look back now and say it was probably what I needed. To just have to sit, to rest, to think through things without multi-tasking, to not always be busy with something. To really, truly, just be STILL. I’ve heard that sometimes when you’re not listening to your body and what it’s telling you that the universe will find a way to make you listen. I can confirm, this is true. And guess what. While I was being still, well things didn’t necessarily get any better, situation wise, but they didn’t get any worse either.

Having said all of that, December is typically a planning month for me. It’s where I usually get excited about planning the coming year. It’s when I let my optimism take over and get really hopeful for the good things I think are to come. While my situation this past year has put a slight damper on that optimism, I am still who I am. Meaning I’m still going to make plans and I’m still going to strive for a better year to come.

I can’t say I’m filled with as much hope as I normally would be during this time of year, but I do have a lot of Faith that fills in where hope leaves off and I’m going to run with that Faith. I have Faith that since God hasn’t left my side yet, He’s definitely not going to leave me now. I have Faith that all that I lost this past year will be replaced and replenished with better and more abundant things than I could have even imagined for myself.

A childhood friend of mine told me that when I come out on the other side of this, I’m going to have one hell of a testimony and perhaps that is the reason for all of this happening. I have Faith that my story is only going to get better from here. That it will somehow be an inspiration for others to know that no matter what storms you go through in life, there will be a rainbow on the other side of that storm. This is just another chapter and I’m going to look forward to seeing what the next chapter holds for me. Here’s to next year, and the next chapter, being amazing for us all!

Until next time… #BeOptimistic #BeHopeful #BeMindful

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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Hello November! Time to Play Catch Up

November 1, 2023 jcladyluv

I know I don’t usually write a blog post on a Wednesday, but I haven’t written to you guys in a while, and I figured that today was as good a time as any to catch you up on things in my little corner of the world. I’m still without a home and as much as I would like to be optimistic and say things are looking up, I don’t feel that in this moment of my writing this. I haven’t given up hope or anything, it’s just that the situation is wearing me down in a way I would care not to admit. But here is where I admit the scary things that I don’t like to say out loud to my closest friends (and yes, I understand the irony of me not saying things out loud to people I know yet screaming it into the void that is the Internet lol).

I’m always seen as the positive one and while most days that is me and I do like to keep a positive tone, that just can’t be me every day. I also forget to mention that a little over two weeks ago I had emergency surgery. Yep, as if I didn’t have enough to deal with, I now have to deal with recovering from surgery. I suppose it’s the Universe’s way of sitting me down and giving me a way to rest my body, my spirit, and my soul but it sure picked a very odd time to sit me down in a time in which I need to be on the go to figure out next steps.

I don’t know, perhaps it was its way of really making me be still and letting God do His work in whatever way that shaped up to be. I have caught up on an enormous amount of rest, so I suppose there’s that. I feel more rested now than I have in years. The brain fog from the surgery doesn’t really help with my creativity but I am starting to feel that slowly come back as well (hence me being able to write up this post). I guess I can say that I am hanging in there but it’s by a very thin thread and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on. I’m doing my best and that’s all I can do right now.Anywho, it’s November now and that means it is NaNoWriMo season in which millions of writers are just disillusioned enough to think they can write an entire novel in a month (just kidding about the disillusionment, it’s totally doable lol) so they sign up for 30 days of writing nearly 2,000 words a day until the task is done.

Normally I would be (officially) participating in this event but as you might guess, this year has kicked my behind and I just don’t have it in me to do it this year. Well at least not officially. That’s to say I can’t help myself and am deciding to be a rebel of sorts and unofficially do NaNo and will work on finally finishing up the revisions on my novel that was technically supposed to be published by now (more on that in another post).

So that’s what my November is going to look like. An unofficial NaNo revision project and finishing up my recovery from surgery. I know I normally set far more monthly goals for myself, but I think those two are good enough this month. I hope you all are well and if you are participating in NaNo let me know. I hope to write again a lot sooner.

Until next time… #BeAuthentic #BeEmpowered #BeFearless

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

When Expectation is Hit With Reality

August 28, 2023 jcladyluv

“Stop waiting for life to meet your expectations and start adjusting your expectations to meet life.”

~unknown

I’ve had two not so subtle reminders in the past few days that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself about not accomplishing the things that I had initially planned to get done this year. First, I had a very interesting conversation with one of my closest friends last week (you know who you are lol) about why my expectations don’t match up with my reality. A part of the reason I’ve been so frustrated with myself lately, well aside from everything I’m stressed about in my current situation, is because I’m not meeting my own expectations. Now these are expectations that I have placed on myself mind you, not expectations from others. This wonderful friend ever so slightly (okay not slightly, very bluntly) pointed out that my whole life was upended three months ago, and I wasn’t in the greatest position even before that (clearly) so why would I expect so many of the things on my great giant to-do list of life to have been possible. They impressed upon me that I need to live in the present and the reality of what is and not be so hung up on what “should” be when there is no one saying it should be this way or that way but me.

Then yesterday I watched a video by Sarra Cannon (Heart Breathings on YouTube) about how we can’t get hung up on where we aren’t in our lives because then we miss the moment that we are in. Basically, that living in the expectation of who we should be, of where we should be, doesn’t do anything but leave us stuck and spinning our wheels. It makes us long for a version of ourselves that simply doesn’t exist and, in all honesty, may have never existed anywhere but in our own imaginations. What both her and my friend were saying was to stop playing that comparison game, with others and with the version of myself that I wished I was, because it only leads to a feeling of inadequacy and a feeling that I’m not doing enough. That I’m just not enough.

It is true that I have extremely high expectations of myself. I’m not sure if that’s mostly just because I have a lot I want to do before my time is up on this earth, or if it has more to do with always being made to feel like no one expected very much out of me at all. Whatever the reason, I have always had massively long lists of things to get accomplished and milestones that I wanted to hit by certain points in my life. I have always had a certain legacy that I wanted to be remembered for and that legacy required, at least in my mind anyway, having accomplished a lot. I wanted to make sure that I put out enough good in this world to make a difference.

As I was doing my devotional this morning it also reminded me that God’s ultimate plan for my life, for our lives, goes beyond the vision that he has given us. That He positions us within this world as a singular point of light, a beacon if you will. We are all here to be a light in this world and to be that beacon for others, perhaps other people who are also going through dark times. It makes sense that in order to be someone else’s light source in the dark, that we must first find our own way through that same darkness. In essence, it doesn’t matter just how much or how little we do. What matters most are the lives we are able to touch. It’s something that I will definitely remember in those moments when I think that I’m not doing enough, or that I’m not putting enough good out into the world. I have to learn that in my journey, what I expect and what is realistic are not always one in the same, and that’s okay. I hope that my journey through this dark time can be that beacon for someone else.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BePresent #BeGrateful

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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