Tag: Opportunity

Struggling to Find the Light

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“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.” ~ Denzel Washington

I’ve been feeling quite restless and uncertain lately. Okay, let’s be real, for nearly the last two years, since I lost my home, I’ve been living in a state of limbo and survival mode. It is not a good, or mentally healthy place to be. I’ve also been feeling homesick which I thought was crazy because typically you feel homesick when you’re away from your home and just want to get back to it (as in physically go home) so I’m of the mindset that since I no longer have a physical home of my own, how can I be homesick. When I read my devotional today it ironically talked about home and what that feeling of home truly is. It said that Home is where we discover security and where we belong; home is where we find ourselves and feel love; home defines who we are. That’s what the home I lost was for me. It was where I grew up essentially (I’m not talking about childhood home obviously because that was a nightmare).

I was about 20 years old when I moved into that place with my then boyfriend who I realized the hard way, was not good for me. I was in that home when I realized that I had to teach myself how to love me with all of my imperfections and quirks. I was in that home when I had my daughter and started my own little family of just the two of us and decided I would be the mother to her that I wished I would have had. I was in that home when I, for the first time ever in my life, felt safe and secure and yes, at peace. Then in an instant it was all gone. That safety and security, that growth, that love that I had found in myself, that belief and confidence that I had found within me. Like the snap of a finger, just like that, it was gone.

I have been feeling really homesick lately because now I am not in a place where I feel secure and safe. I am not in a place where I feel loved. I am not in a place where I feel free to be myself. I am not in a place where I feel at peace and it’s frustrating. I don’t like living in survival mode, and I don’t like that my mental health is in constant jeopardy because of having to live in said survival mode. I’m trying to stay positive that things are going to turn out good in the end. I am a spiritual person so I am trying to have faith and believe that whatever storm God takes me through He will pull me through to the other side and won’t leave me.

However, I am struggling to hold onto that positive outlook. I am struggling to believe that all of this can somehow be for my betterment. That said, even though I am struggling to hold on to that faith and that positivity, I am still in fact holding on (for dear life mind you). I think it’s just in my nature to believe that there is a reason for everything.

I heard an interview Tyler Perry did the other day where he was talking about how all things work together for our good and it’s all there to teach us something, so he doesn’t see his failures as that. He sees them as a tool to teach him the lessons he needs to learn for the next venture. He also said something else that I thought was interesting. He doesn’t view closed doors in the way that most people (including myself) view them. He sees a closed door as a wall of a maze and when that wall goes up, blocking us from something that we want (or thought we wanted), it’s just a guidepost to redirect the course we are on so that we follow the new path and keep going. I found that interesting. There are no closed doors, we’re just in a maze and when an obstacle is thrown at us, we just have to redirect and find a new way to get to where it is we’re going.

I like that idea so much better than the image of door slamming in my face so I’m going to use that metaphor. From now on when I start to feel like that light at the end of the tunnel is becoming a lot dimmer and I’m not seeing a way out, I’ll just think of it as a maze. I’m not losing the light. The light is just shifting and changing where it wants me to find it. Yeah, I like that way of looking at it much better.

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeConsistent #BeSteadfast

 

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The Reality I’m Left With

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I’d like to think I’m someone who goes after all of my dreams, but the reality is that I’m not. I’ve had so many dreams that I never even tried to attain, all because I let the words of a woman who was supposed to be my biggest supporter in life halt me in my tracks. Growing up my mother used to tell me all of the things I would never be able to accomplish and somewhere along the way I started to believe her and it then became my own belief.

I can’t blame her completely because at a certain age one would think that I would have been able to tune her out, but I never did. Her words always lingered in the back of my mind and with every no, and every rejection that came my way, I started to think she must be right. That the dreams I had were pointless all along. I mean, you tend to think the people who are supposed to always believe in you and your abilities and tell you to shoot for the moon are your parents right? So, what they say must be true, right? I know I always make sure to tell my daughter that there isn’t anything she can’t do if she puts her mind to it. Because you aren’t supposed to run around crushing your child’s dreams. The world is already going to try and do that anyway.

The reality is I did not have that kind of parent who fostered and nurtured my creativity, and I don’t really know why that is. Only she can answer why she purposely tried to tear me down instead of build me up. I realize now, perhaps far too late for it to make a difference, that you should never let someone else’s opinions of you and what you can do alter what you know and believe for yourself. Even if it’s family. I could be so much more than I am right now if I had only let my own belief in me overshadow my mother’s disbelief in me.

The reality is that I am where I am in life because I lost faith, in myself and in the purpose that I believe God has for me in this world. Too many times I let what someone else said or thought I couldn’t do take away my power to even try. I am a big believer in the fact that once you have made yourself aware of where you need to improve things, that awareness will then provide you with the strength you need to take actions that will make things better. As much as I don’t like change, I know that one change I must make is to stop letting the hurtful words of others, family or not, linger in the back of my mind and dictate what I believe about myself.

I know me. I know who God created and what He created me for. I know that He did not bring me through everything that I have been through to just give up and because I know that there are people far older than I am who have pursued dreams that others also thought to be impossible, I know that what I want is not out of the realm of possibility. It doesn’t matter that one person tried their hardest to break me and break my spirit. I may bend but I will not break. I didn’t come this far to give up now.

For anyone who has let other people’s harmful words affect the way you feel about the visions you have for your life, it’s not too late to change that. Don’t give anyone else power over what you know your purpose is. They say that hurt people, hurt people, so maybe that is the excuse for those who have tried to diminish other’s ambitions, but you don’t have to let them succeed in their goal by believing a single thing they have to say. Misery loves company but you don’t have to be the company that misery is seeking to keep.

Until next time… #BeFearless #BeMindful #BeResilient

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Never Be Afraid to Take Up Space

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I started thinking last night about how tired I have been feeling. Not just in the physical sense of the word but also mentally and emotionally. I mean in terms of how long I’ve been fighting to make all the things in my life, all the dreams I’ve had for my life, all of the passion I feel towards writing happen and still nothing. Now I’m not saying I haven’t accomplished anything and I certainly never had any expectations of being some overnight success but I will say that I had expected to meet some sustainable level of contentment by the time I was in my 40’s. My level of success doesn’t necessarily equate to fame and fortune (not that those two things wouldn’t also be nice), just simply being able to keep myself afloat and perhaps be able to be in a position to help others. Neither of which have happened clearly as I am currently living out of a hotel room, and even that is in jeopardy from day to day. Some days I just want to give up the fight.

On those days that I just want to throw in the towel and give up I always seem to come across something that motivates me to keep on going. Be it a verse in the bible or an inspirational talk from someone I admire, or sometimes both, something always sparks that drive to just keep hanging in there and go forward, don’t look back. I watched a short speech from actress Sheryl Lee Ralph last night (here’s the link in case you wish to be inspired as well) and she talked about all of the no’s she’s heard in her career and the power that believing in yourself holds. She pondered on what would have happened if she had stopped and given up with every no she heard or every door that closed in her face. She certainly wouldn’t have been in the position to have won her first ever Emmy in her 60’s and become the second African American woman to become an EGOT (Whoopi Goldberg being the first).

She talked about how powerful just the simple act of believing in herself truly was. She had made a promise a long time ago in her career, after hearing a very loud and absurd no from a producer, to always give herself permission to take up space in whatever room she entered, whatever creative field she wanted to dip her toe in. She would not give up on herself no matter what. The truth is if you don’t believe in you then why would anyone else. It’s not that I have never believed in myself. Quite frankly most of the time I think that I am the only person that believes in me but there are days where even that is in question, and I start to wonder do I belong in this field. Are the decks stacked against me for a reason? The doors keep closing, so maybe I just should stop knocking.

Then I start to shift and think maybe the real problem is that I haven’t given myself permission to take up the space that I need to take up. I’ve been trying to fit in whatever space someone would allow me to be in and is that what truly believing in yourself looks like? Maybe I shouldn’t be knocking on the doors, but rather knocking them down (metaphorically of course lol) instead? Maybe my problem to begin with was aiming to just be content instead of seeking the abundant life that God has told me I’m entitled to (John 10:10). Rather than setting the bar too high perhaps I haven’t been setting the bar high enough. There’s no such thing as believing in yourself too much or having too much faith. After all, faith can make broken wings fly and soar, and enable you to take up all of the space in the world that you need. I’m ready to take up some space, are you?

Until next time… #BeConfident #BeBold #BeFearless

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We Learn From the Mistakes We Own Up To

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There have been quite a few stories in the news over the past week regarding the issue of accountability. Some people who no longer have to be held accountable for their actions, and some who are being held accountable but the overwhelming public thinks they should not have to face any accountability at all.

Now I am someone who tries to the best of their ability to follow the rules and I’m not perfect so I’m not going to sit here and say that I’ve never broken any rules. However, those times that I have broken the rules I had to deal with the consequences of my actions. It is because of those times, and those consequences that I have become stricter about trying to hold myself to following the rules for any given situation, because I understand that there are consequences that will follow if I don’t.

I think that if we let people off the hook for breaking the rules we only send them the signal that it’s okay to continue breaking any rules they want and then they never learn anything from the experience. We don’t always like the rules set by other people and their organizations but just because we may not like them or agree with them doesn’t make any one person more special than the next who has to follow them.

People make mistakes because they are human and obviously we’re never going to get everything right. The thing about making mistakes is that if we don’t face them, own up to them, and be forced to deal with the consequences from making those mistakes then we don’t learn from them and we don’t grow. Life is about a series of experiences and choices and about learning that our actions, whatever they may be, good or bad, have consequences.

Until next time… #BeAccountable #BePersistent #BeBrave

Jimmetta Carpenter 

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Laying the Groundwork

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So I’m about to have another birthday on Thursday and I’ll be turning 41 and thinking about really crossing further into the forties has me thinking about whether or not I’m satisfied with the direction that my life is going. I mean of course I had plans when I was younger of what my forty year old self would be doing in life and where I would be in my career and on the ladder of success.

However, when I was younger I was naïve to the reality of adulthood and what having all of those things that I want would take in terms of effort and sheer willpower after getting repeatedly knocked down and having to pry myself off the ground to get back up and keep pushing forward. Honestly if you had asked me when I was younger if I thought I had the tenacity and strength to have to keep pushing through all of the obstacles that have been thrown at me I would have said no, I can’t do it, I’m just not that strong. I’m glad to say that I would have been wrong because you never truly know how strong you are until you have to be.

So what have I learned in these 41 years of living? I suppose I would say the biggest thing that I’ve learned about myself, and that I continue to learn as I move forward in my career goals, is that I have never lost my passion for what it is I know I am supposed to do with my life. Even though I’m not sure how I knew writing was my purpose back when I was just six years old (at six I wouldn’t have known anything about the use of the word purpose lol) I have never wavered from that dream.  Sure I thought I would be where I desired to be by now but again, that was the naiveté of a child dreaming that just assumed if you’re talented and wanted it bad enough it would happen easily.

I know a lot of people who think writing is nothing special and that it’s an easy thing to do. I often get those that think I don’t do anything at all because I’m “just a writer” they say and that’s “not that hard to do” which is infuriating because this is not a career for the feint of heart.  I have literally dedicated my entire life to this craft and it is who I am, not just what I do. At 41 I’m not on any New York Time’s Bestsellers list (as I hoped I would be at this point) and frankly I am just now in the process of re-releasing my first novel and a couple of poetry books this year but I have put in years of article writing and blogging here on this blog, creating a newsletter first, and then magazine, to make sure that I do my part to highlight other authors to the best of my ability, and now I even have a YouTube channel in which I talk about my writing life and that is not nothing.

A couple of years ago, in the mindset I was in then, I would have been sulking and further depressed about where I wasn’t in my life, only focused on what I haven’t been able to accomplish.  Today, because I have been working on my spiritual journey, my mindset has drastically shifted to where I don’t see it quite that way anymore. I see all that I have been able to accomplish as me laying the groundwork for all of the victorious things that I know are to come. I have been getting prepared for my dreams to come to fruition and I think I needed that preparation.

Just because things don’t happen on the timetable that we want them to, doesn’t mean they won’t happen. In fact it may be better for them not to happen when we want them because I find that oftentimes when we think we are ready for things, more than likely we aren’t ready at all. If you haven’t gotten to where you want in life just yet, don’t let that get you down. Just think of it as you laying the groundwork for all that is to come and keep pushing, keep working, and you will get there. God wouldn’t give you the vision and the dream if He hadn’t prepared a way for you to have it when He’s ready for you to.

Until next time #BePatient #BePersistent #BeReady

 

Jimmetta Carpenter 

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It’s All In How You Respond

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“You can’t control everything that happens to you but you can control how you respond to everything because in how you respond is your power.” ~Anonymous

It is instinct to react to things that upset us in an emotional, sometimes irrational manner. It is human nature but it doesn’t always make for the best outcome and it most certainly doesn’t act as a solution to your problem or whatever has disappointed you. Oftentimes we get disappointed about the doors that won’t open for us or the rejections that we get, particularly if you are a writer or pursue a creative career in general. It takes the wind out of your sails and when you get knocked down there’s that one moment where you just want to stay down. You find yourself telling someone trying to help you up that you just need a moment to lay there and get yourself together.

The thing is that you can only take a minute because while you’re laying there collecting your thoughts on what went wrong, someone else is trying out their own attempts at that same door.  When you respond to rejection by giving it up and quitting because it gets too hard, well there is power in your response. It’s just power that you are giving to the next person who won’t give up quite so easily. I don’t say any of this as a person who hasn’t wanted to just lay in my rejection and wallow for a while before making another attempt at something.

I don’t react well to rejection. It’s one of the main reasons that I had decided about two years ago to completely give up seeking traditional publication and to self publish instead. Now I am rethinking that decision. I mean there is a few books that I would choose to self-publish more so because they are poetry books which don’t typically get traditional publication unless you’re in the spotlight for something else. However, I have a few books that I really would like to see get the traditional publication treatment. I am not a marketer, I am not a graphic designer, and while I can be a persuasive person I can’t say that my negotiation skills are that of a publicist, or an agent even.

Now I just have to wonder was my response to all the rejection (albeit great rejection because they were not form letters) I received the right response. Did I throw in the towel too soon, and more importantly, is it too late. Did I give away some of my power by staying down for too long? I guess that is to be determined but I wanted to write this today to say to a that person out there who thinks that they have all the time in the world to stay down for just a few moments and to respond with only a little bit of wallow, you don’t.  It’s time to get up and respond to that moment of rejection with even more action.

Until next time…#BeBold #BeProductive #BeMotivated

Jimmetta Carpenter 

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Can’t Move Forward While Standing Still

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“We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are” ~Max Depree

I saw this quote and it made me think of how much I’ve grown in certain ways over the last couple of years. It also makes me think of the ways that I still have yet to grow.  There are still risks that I haven’t been willing to take because, simply put, I can’t predict where taking those risks will lead. However, I can’t help but think that perhaps not taking some of those risks costs me way more time than the sheer anxiety of wondering where it would lead. 

Some of us are really good at jumping into the next phase of the dream and taking things head on and I admire that. Then there are those of us who often are hesitant to reach out and grab the next opportunity that comes our way because we don’t know if we’re going to actually be able to reach the level we’re striving for.

It’s true that you can’t move forward while standing still so if you are anything like me and your anxiety or self-doubt is holding you back from something, don’t allow it to continue keeping you stuck.  Let’s make a pact that we’ll reach for that next opportunity together. We will keep moving forward, even if the steps that we are taking are small little baby steps.

Until next time… #BeBrave #BeFearless #BeReady

 

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Honoring the Legacy and the Purpose

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honoring the legacy

So on this day, a day in which we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a man who was the very definition of courage and living fearlessly, it makes me think about the things that we take for granted. I’m not talking about just being grateful for our health and our family and the luxuries we’ve been able to afford for ourselves. I mean those things are definitely nothing to dismiss in any way. But there are other things that we sometimes don’t appreciate the way that we should like our gifts and our purpose.

Everyone has a gift to be used to fulfill their purpose in this world. I don’t believe that there is any one person that doesn’t have a reason for being on this earth that is not solely specific to just them.  When we waste so much of our time resisting those gifts, questioning that purpose, and second guessing whether or not we are properly equipped to carry out the mission that we were given in this life, we are taking for granted our opportunities to make this world a much better place.

Just think of what it would be like if Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had resisted the gifts that God gave him, or questioned the purpose that God gave him at every turn. Imagine if he allowed any fears that he might have had, not just for himself but for his family, do the deciding for him in whether or not he took on the fight that he did. What if he had allowed his doubts to win and let the purpose he was given go unmet. I would hate to think of what this world would be like had Dr. King not honored his gifts and his purpose.

What Dr. King managed to achieve in his short time here on this earth is more than most people accomplish in a lifespan of a hundred years. If we just stop doubting ourselves, our gifts, our purpose, and be appreciative for the opportunity to fulfill that purpose then what kind of change could we continue to make for this world. How many lives could we possibly affect if we just let go of the second-guessing and be grateful that we were equipped with the gifts necessary to make a change in this ever so crazy world. So when honoring Dr. King today remember that he was a man about taking action and go act with purpose!

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The Journey Doesn’t End at a Closed Door

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on the other side of the door

As I started this year with all of the excitement and anticipation of anyone dead set on taking their dreams to the next level I sat and thought about something that my pastor preached about a few weeks ago. He talked about not just asking God for what it is that you want out of your life but believing and knowing that God will do for you all that he promised he would do. The important part of his message that he spoke about was how sometimes we allow our impatience and our discouragement hold us back from getting all of the things that we’ve been asking God for. We want what we want right at that moment and somehow we think that if it doesn’t happen on the time table that we had in our mind that it means that it’s never going to happen at all.

I think that that’s what I have been doing, unknowingly of course, but I’ve been so impatient. It sounds funny saying that when I think about the fact that I’ve been at this for over a decade now but if I think back there have been so many moments where I felt like a breakthrough might have been coming but then an obstacle presented itself. Instead of holding steady and pushing through that door which was simply stuck, I turned and went backwards trying to trace my missteps to figure out what I missed that would have made the door open easier and quicker. The truth is, in those moments where I turned and tried to see where I went wrong my energy would have been better spent trying to push through that door that was just stuck, not locked, simply hard to open.

There isn’t a set time where everything is just supposed to magically come together. Just because the results aren’t immediate or as fast paced as you think they should be doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Everything that is worth having has been won in a struggle. We have to stop putting a time table on our dreams and making it as if they’re not worth striving for if they don’t happen at the precise moment we want them to.

There will always be a different door at the turning point of any moment in your journey and what’s on the other side of it won’t always be easy to access but we can’t give up and we can’t turn back trying to create our own do-over. Now it’s true that there are some doors that were meant to be closed in order for others to open but we can’t confuse what’s not meant for us to open with what just appears to be too hard to open. We have to just push through, no matter how hard we have to push, until we knock that door down. Don’t walk away before you finally get everything that it is you’ve been waiting for. The journey isn’t over just because you have to stay in the same place for a little while longer than you initially planned. Keep pushing through those doors because the next level is coming!

 

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Don’t Over Plan Your Way Out of Opportunities

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Missed Opportunities

I woke up today and realized something. I waste entirely too much time planning. I have always been a planner, one who has to have a list for everything and everything in its place before I go for the end goal. When I was younger it worked for me and my love for being the list maker and the consistent planner grew. But as I got older the plans and the lists began to hinder me because what I never accounted for in all my planning and goal setting was life just unfolding as it was going to, as it was inevitably meant to.

I have a tendency to plan so thoroughly that by the time I am done with the plan the opportunity to actually follow through with any of those plans has long passed me by. I will think of something, have a vision for something if you will, and by the time I have worked through all the lists and plans it ends up being too late and someone else has presented something to the world far too similar to mine for me to move ahead with it.

It’s like the story where the man is waiting to be rescued from the sinking boat he’s on and every person that is sent to rescue him he tells them that he is waiting on God to rescue him and to take someone else. When he drowns he asks God why didn’t he save him and God tells him that he sent three different people to rescue him and he refused them. Essentially he sent the opportunity that he needed and he missed it. I feel like I might have missed far too many opportunities that were sent my way because it didn’t fit with the plan, or undoubtedly because I hadn’t finished planning for that opportunity and I was blinded to what was presenting itself right in front of me.

For example, quite a long time ago I had an idea for a show about women living their lives behind prison bars and about what they go through, how they get treated, how they maneuver their new lives. I started making plans and lists but it was never quite as perfect as I needed it to be and before I knew it I was hearing about this new show on Netflix, “Orange is the New Black” and (No, no one stole my idea, I never communicated it to anyone else) I watched it and felt deflated as I saw what I had been planning for unfold from someone else’s imagination. It was my own fault and my own neurosis that kept me from what could’ve been a breakthrough opportunity had I only not wasted so much time trying to make it perfect.

I say all this to say that if you too are like I was, like I have been, stop wasting so much time trying to make everything just right, and planning everything through to a tee. I’m not saying don’t plan at all, or don’t have your lists. I’m saying don’t focus so much on the lists and the plans that you forget the goal, the vision, and so you don’t miss the opportunities that can come your way while you’re busy planning. Sometimes the opportunities can be so small that if you blink you’ll miss it so pay attention to what’s in front of you before your lists and plans are all that you end up with. Until next time… plan less, live more!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

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