Tag: purpose

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When Life Gives You Teachable Moments…

May 15, 2012 jcladyluv

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”

~Author Unknown

In being a mother there are always those moments where you just sit back and let your child learn their hard lessons on their own, usually the hard way. However, there are other times when you see your child going through some of the same things that you may have went through when you were around their age, and you want to just stop them and advise them with your experience as their guide. The lessons don’t always sink in, but you still want to take that moment and make it a teachable one.

While it may not make sense to them at that moment, much like you did when you got older, they will see the value in that lesson when they least expect it. Every now and then, you will even teach yourself those same lessons all over again while trying to impart wisdom on them.

Recently I have been trying to help my daughter deal with the issue of being teased and picked on and bullied at school by her classmates. It’s been painful to see her go from loving to go to school and learn new things to hating the fact that she has to go because of those very kids in her class. I try my best to help her try and find ways to deal with the situation but so far, nothing has really stuck.

I even try to use my experience of having gone through the exact same things when I was in elementary school and having to learn the ways to deal with it the hard way and it seems to help her for about a week (if that) but then she started acting out in class (which is completely unlike her) in response to her classmates bothering her. When she tries to blame whatever they did to antagonize her for the reason why she chose to act out in class, I make sure to let her know that no one else is responsible for her actions but her.

I remind her that she is supposed to know what’s right and wrong and that no matter what someone else does to her, she knows the appropriate ways to respond and that acting out is not one of them. She cries that she doesn’t understand why they are mean to her and because I don’t know why, I just tell her that she can’t control how people feel or what they do, but she can control how she reacts to them.

I reminded her of how much she loves school, and loves to learn new things and that she shouldn’t allow the children in her class to have that much power over her. As I was telling her this I began to remind myself of the very same thing with certain negative people in my life.

I spent a lot of time in my youth worried about what everyone was going to say about me. I worried whether people were going to like me and I went out of my way doing things (not extremely terrible things) that were out of character for me because I wanted certain people to like me. It worked a lot of the times but then I never really knew if it was me who they liked or just the person I was pretending to be for them.

Even though I don’t bother pretending for anyone anymore, there are certain people, one in particular, that I still find myself wanting their approval. But having to try and teach my daughter to not allow other people to dictate what she does or who she is, I realize that that lesson is not just for her, it’s one that I am still not finished learning.

A person’s negativity only has power over you if you allow it to and you should never, no matter who that person is, allow someone to have that much control over what you do or how you feel. No matter if that person is the closest of friends or even a family member you can not allow that person’s actions or words dictate yours.

We are all responsible for our own actions and choices, and yes, our inaction as well. If we allow someone’s hurtful words or behavior to keep us down and keep us from doing something that we know in our heart is right then we can not place the blame on them. No one can have that kind of power over you unless you give them that power.

What we do or don’t do; the dreams we carry out or don’t carry out; are our own responsibilities and no one else’s. It may be wrong for someone to purposely try and tear us down but we are the only ones that can allow them to succeed.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

The Superficial World We Live In

May 4, 2012 jcladyluv

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

~Confucius

Can you imagine living without money? I mean without one penny to your name? No roof over your head. No food aside from what people willingly give you or you can find in the garbage. I’m talking about back to the living off the land days where you’re picking berries and boiling dead animals for food (that is if no one gives you any). Better yet can you imagine living this way and being completely happy about it?

Well I came across a story on the internet about a 51 year old man named Daniel Suelo who claims that not only is he broke, but happily, deliberately, and blessedly broke. I clicked on it because just the thought of it sounded completely insane to me but in reading it I can see the validity of his choice.

Having said that, I can not say that I would make a conscious choice to just give up what little money I do have to my name and go roughing it in the wilderness somewhere (if you know me at all, you know I’m not the outdoor type—not even a little bit). However, I understand his position.

The world, especially in recent generations, is so overly consumed with things and what they can possess and acquire. It’s so bad sometimes that you start to wonder just what lengths people would go to, and how many people they would walk over, just to get their hands on something incredibly superficial. People concern themselves so much with the latest ipad (or whatever new piece of technology is out), or how many cars they have, or having the flashiest car, or the biggest home.

But yet we have a huge problem with children in this country and others literally starving to death, schools that don’t have adequate materials to teach our children to the best of their abilities, teenage girls who think it’s cute and fun to have a baby at the ripe age of sixteen or seventeen (sometimes younger than that). It makes me wonder where our priorities are and does this Daniel Suelo have the right idea (or at least the right intentions).

I may not have some prestigious career (at least not until I make the NY Times Bestseller’s List) and I may not be raking in money hand over fist like a lot of people but I guess when I really think about it, my blessings are worth far more than material possessions. I think there is really something to the saying that the more money that we have, the more problems we see because I think it makes people focus even more so on possessing things they don’t even need.

Maybe we do need to get back to the basics and see the blessings in the simple things, the most treasured things that some people would die to have. There are children in other countries who can’t even get an education and we take ours for granted. There are families starving and homeless yet the majority of this country just focuses on how much bigger house they can get for their money, or how fancier their car can be, or eating the most expensive kinds of food, instead of being grateful that they even have a house and a car, and food to eat.

Now I’m not in any way saying that we should just chuck it all and purposely live in the state of poverty because God only knows that I couldn’t go that simple. However, maybe we should take a look at what it is we truly have and are blessed with before complaining about things that we don’t truly need. Maybe the world would be a lot less superficial if we just remembered how good we had it even when we only had the basics. Sometimes less really is more.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Writers Do More Than Just Write

April 23, 2012 jcladyluv

I think back to the days when I actually thought that being a writer only entailed writing. But we writers, we do way more than just write. I am slowly figuring out that among the many things on the list of our duties is being a public speaker. It is something that most, if not all, writers must adapt to. It is one thing that I struggle with the most.

Just the thought of being in front of people and talking about myself or my work makes me nervous and begin to feel my anxiety level rise. It’s actually funny because most people that know me would say that it is hilarious to think of me not being able to talk in front of people because I seem to be able to hold a conversation so well.

However, the reality is that being as though writing is my destiny and my purpose and I know that I have to do whatever it takes to be successful at it, I have to learn to get over my consistent state of stage fright. It’s only going to hold me back, and it’s only going to limit me from the possibilities that lie ahead of me. My opportunities reside in the extra steps that I take to get where I need to be.

It is amusing to me when someone dismisses writing as a hobby and not really being a job. When I tell people I am a writer they usually say something to the effect of, ‘oh so you don’t really have a job’. My response is (after rolling my eyes at the audacity that they would have to say that) is ‘writing is a job, why don’t you try it and tell me it isn’t work.’ What I don’t think people get is that writing is hard work.

Writers are many things. Our lists of duties extend far beyond the realm of putting words on paper. We are our own promoters and marketers, we are our own accountants (unless you’re making enough to afford one), we are editors, we are researchers, we are public speakers, we are activists, we are musicians, we are directors, we are motivators, and we are entrepreneurs. A Writer certainly does way more than just write.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Accidentally but on Purpose

April 19, 2012 jcladyluv

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”

~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I always hear the phrase, accidents happen, and for the longest time I believed it to be true. Things, little coincidences, just happen sometimes. You run into someone at the store that you haven’t seen in a long time seems like it would be a coincidence. You meeting someone that you may have more than a few things in common with is just a happy coincidence. You having some sort of accident happen to you or a family member, perhaps a car accident, is just a terrible accident that should’ve never happened, right? Wrong.

I used to believe that but somewhere along this journey of my life I have come to know that there is no such thing as coincidences and accidents. If you were to believe that things in your life happen by accident, or coincidence, then that is to say that you don’t believe that there is a plan that God has already laid out for you before you were even born into this world.

I meet different people all of the time but they don’t all stick, they don’t all get invited into my inner circle. But the ones that do, the ones that have been there no matter what, I know that I did not meet them by accident and there was no coincidence in those meetings. They were placed before me, by God, because he knew that I needed them in my life, and perhaps that they needed me too.

I have come to realize over the years that there is a reason for everything that happens in your life, and that they don’t just accidentally happen. I have been in several car accidents in my life, two in which I could have died in. I know that technically they are deemed car accidents but I in many ways see them as signs. Maybe they were to wake me up to the fact that, although for a large part of my life I thought I was just here by mistake (mostly because my mother told me that I was one) and that I had no good to share with the rest of the world, I am in fact here for a reason.

My best friend, Ms. L. and I met coincidentally, or so I always thought. We were in college and one night I went into the T.V. lounge and she was sitting there watching T.V. We struck up a conversation and began to hang out, initially meeting in the lounge almost every night, and then trading time in each other’s dorm rooms.

Two girls, from two different types of backgrounds, with two totally different levels of self esteem and confidence; one who was (or at least appeared to be) very sure of herself, and one who was still lost trying to figure out what version of herself was the right one to let the rest of the world see (that would be me).

We couldn’t have been more different, but oddly enough we couldn’t have been more alike either. Looking back now, on what I thought was a coincidence I see that we were always supposed to meet. I can’t even imagine my life without her in it and there are so many benefits of having her as my best friend and knowing she will always be in my corner no matter what, and I in hers.

I don’t believe that I met her by accident, nor any of the other people who I deem to be significant in my life. Much like Ms. L., they all drive me, to be better, to be more consistent. They make me want to be a better friend, a better person, and force me to see in myself what they see in me.

The thing is that you never know what the reason is for any one particular circumstance that you are going through. And you won’t know until you have seen your way through those circumstances. There is a reason, or rather, a purpose for every turning point (good or bad) in your life. And nothing ever happens by accident.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Structuring Ourselves In Order to Sustain His Blessings

April 17, 2012 jcladyluv

“Your real strength, your guts, your tenacity, your staying power, your discipline, is in the things God did for you when nobody was looking.”

~Bishop T.D. Jakes

I realized last night that my post yesterday was a little unfinished. I don’t think that the message that I was trying to convey was finished yet. I was reading Ms. L’s blog post this morning and realized that there was more I needed to say. She spoke of having doubts in her mission and her purpose with what she is trying to do with her company and her new magazine, PIEhole, and in reading her post I thought all of these doubts sounded all too familiar for me.

I hadn’t realized that she was experiencing this much doubt. I always see her as so well put together and it just always seems that she is fearless and ready to take on the world. I started thinking back to the Bishop T.D. Jakes sermon that I listened to yesterday and the particular part that I wanted to convey to Ms. L. in her time of doubt, and what I have to get through to my own mind as well, is that greatness takes time.

“The best miracles in your life take time; can not be driven by hunger, or need, or necessity. Sometimes you have to get yourself structured and in order so that you are ready to receive the magnitude of what God has for you. Just because you have a driving need does not mean that you can disperse with the order and the time and the structure that is necessary to hold the weight of what God is going to do. Some people are so busy trying to get what God has that they don’t provide the structure that is necessary to sustain what they have been given.”

This quote struck me when I heard it in his sermon. It hit me like a ton of bricks because I thought about the fact that I have not necessarily built up a stable structure. I have not yet gotten the order that I need to have to sustain the kind of structure that I need. It makes sense that God would want to hold onto the overflow of blessings that he has stored up for me until he sees that I have built up a stable enough structure to hold the weight of those blessings.

I am still working on the order and my structure and perhaps I should stop rushing God along to give me what he knows that I am not ready to sustain. “Until you can be thankful for something that is not enough, then what you have can not be multiplied into what is more than enough.” Perhaps my time would be better spent preparing my structure and being thankful for the things that he has already blessed me with and seen me through instead of just waiting for him to do what he has in his plans to do for me.

So that’s what I’m going to continue to strive for and work on. I am going to be building up my structure and getting my ‘house’ in order and enjoy and be thankful for what God has already blessed me with on an everyday basis. He has blessed me with so many things in my life thus far, among them a purpose, knowledge of how to go after that purpose, and the ability to carry out that purpose. I know that once he feels I am ready for the overflow, my cup will runneth over.

*(And Ms. L., your cup is already nearing the edge.)*

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Being Broken Down To Be Blessed On the Way Back Up

April 10, 2012 jcladyluv

“God never intended for you to go through something and get nothing out of it.”

~Bishop T.D. Jakes

Sometimes I have days where I feel encouraged and empowered. My writing flows, my productivity is better then average and I feel like I am going to get to my destination. Then there are other days when my writing is not going as smoothly, there is no productivity and my destination seems further and further away. Those are the days that I just feel broken down. I try to think of the wise people who tell me that it’s not going to always be that way but the message never came across to me as clear as it did the other night when I was watching Oprah’s Next Chapter where she did a sit down interview with Bishop T.D. Jakes.

Now anyone who knows me well enough (either personally or through this blog) knows that I am spiritual but I am not necessarily terribly religious. Meaning I don’t necessarily believe that I have to go to a building (i.e. church) to get the word that God is trying to communicate to me. But every once and a while I will see and hear a Pastor, Preacher, or in this case Bishop say something on television that will make me wish that their church was within my reach so that I could go get that message in person.

On Oprah’s Next Chapter when Bishop T.D. Jakes told his congregation that “The blessing is in the breaking; that, which refuses to be broken refuses to be blessed; It is the breaking of life that produces the blessing of life.” I felt as if that message was meant for me. Now I know I wasn’t even there, and this was after all a repeat on TV so it wasn’t even live, but yet I felt like I was directed to watch it for a specific reason; because it’s what I needed to hear.

I always see my breaking points as my own little personal failures but I suppose the truth is that they are the foundations for my future successes. They are the models of what I need to look at so that I know not to repeat the same process that got me to that point in the first place. They are lessons for me to learn from, not mistakes for me to forever regret.

Bishop T.D. Jakes also said “The most blessed people I have ever met in my life have gone through something that broke them.” In essence, adversity breeds success and a multitude of blessings. If you look at the most successful people, they didn’t get to that place without having to be broken down at some point in their lives. Why should I be any different? Why should I expect to get to the level of success I know I am destined for without having to go through the trials and tribulations to get there?

The words I heard him speaking were so powerful and so profound and while I realize this is not the first time I have heard that message, this is the first time I have believed the words as I said them to myself. Building up any business that you want to have takes a certain amount of tenacity and drive. However, when it comes to building up a business that is centered around your love of writing and your sense of purpose, it takes guts, and courage, but most importantly belief in yourself and in the very words that you speak. The words you say are very important and you never know who your particular message might touch, giving them the strength to not stay broken so that they won’t miss their blessings.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Even an Icon Like Oprah Can Have Fear

April 2, 2012 jcladyluv

“The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.”

~Oprah Winfrey

This morning Oprah was on the CBS This Morning show and she was promoting her network, OWN. She talked about a lot of different things but one thing that struck me was when she admitted that if she knew then (when starting the network) what she knows now she probably wouldn’t have done it (or at least not at the time that she did it). She acknowledged that when she launched her network she was not ready. In fact that was one of the lessons that she took away from her process of starting the network, that you shouldn’t launch something just because you already gave a date to everyone else if you are not ready to.

That was both shocking and admirable to me and just made me want to model my business sense (that I am still trying to mold) after the road she has already paved for the women coming after her even more. She spoke of the critics in the press who have criticized her brave but somewhat dismal start to her cable network, and one headline, “Oprah not quite standing on her OWN”, that she tries not to let dictate whether she is in fact succeeding or failing at her new endeavor. In her words, “it’s just press”. She said that because you fail at something (which her network is in no way failing) doesn’t mean that you are a failure.

It made me start to think about that good old fear of failure that I can’t seem to shake for the life of me. Why am I so afraid to fail? It’s not as if my failing at any given thing would mean that it’s the end of the road for me and my dreams. In my heart I know this but my head (or perhaps that little devilish angel sitting on my shoulder) keeps telling me that if I fail even one more time at something then that’s it, I’m just destined to be a failure. If only I could shake that demon trying to creep its way into my subconscious every time I think I’m going to get somewhere. But maybe that’s just it. Maybe it creeps in because I am getting somewhere.

My best friend, Ms. L. always says that when everything starts to begin to go wrong that she knows she must be doing something right. She says that it just means that the devil is working overtime to stop the progress she is making. And look at Ms. L., she just launched her magazine, PIEhole (of which I have an article in) and it’s taken off better than I think even she expected it to (although I knew it would). Although she never acknowledged being afraid as often as she probably was, she never let that fear stop her.

Hell, if Oprah can have the courage to admit that she was afraid of something (because it seems that she just does this stuff so fearlessly) but that she pressed on anyway, then why couldn’t that be my story down the line as well? I know that I would never want to be doing anything else and I truly feel as though God instilled in me this specific purpose and I owe it to him, if not myself, to see that purpose through. As Oprah also said in her interview, “There’s never going to be a time to quit. I will die in the midst of doing what I love to do and that is using my voice and using my life to try to inspire other people to live the best of theirs.”

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

And the Lucky Winner Is…Not Me!

March 31, 2012 jcladyluv

Okay so I am sad to announce that I did not win the big mega millions lottery pot this past weekend and I along with millions of other people in the world am saddened by it. Of course it might have helped my odds if I had actually played the lottery. I do wonder what the lucky winners are going to do with their newfound wealth. I can only imagine what I could and would do with that kind of money.

Actually Ms. L. and I were going over our individual lists of what our newfound wealth could’ve brought us if it had been one of us who won. Of course there were the obvious things on our lists like getting some of the little things for ourselves that we as single mothers whose first priorities are our children can not get at this very moment. Then there are the college funds that are a must to have for our children to be able to go to college wherever they chose to go and not have to worry about money.

There are the trips that I have been dying to take (there aren’t too many places Ms. L. hasn’t been already) and the house and car that I would buy outright if I had the money so that I wouldn’t have a mortgage or a car note. The big thing, I think for the both of us, is to be able to fully fund our businesses. To have the money to put into the business you are trying to grow without having to ration out just how much goes in this or that part of the business is a feeling that would be priceless.

Building my business would allow me to sow those riches right back in my purpose and have it to continue to keep growing my wealth (not just monetary wealth) and enable me to become completely self sufficient. I would feel such peace knowing that my business will fully provide for me and my daughter the way I’d always imagined it would. There are other things that I would love to do with millions of dollars (if I had it). I have a few select foundations that I would love to donate money to, and a foundation of my own that I would like to start (to help with the fight against bullying).

But unfortunately, I did not win the lottery and my list will just have collect a little bit more dust. I wonder what all of you would do with millions of dollars. Have you ever thought about the changes that you could make in this world with that kind of blessing? If you haven’t thought about it I think you should (especially all of you who play the lottery on a daily basis). You could be the next big winner!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Giving Up is Not an Option

March 29, 2012 jcladyluv

“If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.”

~Author Unknown

I have heard so many people say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I suppose that could translate to people simply giving up and throwing in the towel. They may examine what went wrong down the line, but for all intense and purposes they give up the fight because it just got too hard. When they do find themselves wanting to go back to that place later on in life they find that they have to start all over again and that can be discouraging for anyone.

I found the above quote (at the top of my post) when I was going through my facebook timeline and reading other people’s updates. When I read it, I tried to figure out if that applied to me. I replayed certain big moments throughout my life where I felt like everything just fell apart and I had to carry on but I don’t think that it was ever a case where I had to really start over. That’s because never once have I given up.

I’ve always been more of a pick up where I left off type of person. I will admit that when I find the walls collapsing around me I do have a tendency to get the urge to run for the (imaginary) hills. Instead I just take a step back from things and in a sense reevaluate what’s happening. When I go back to the problem, I never start from scratch, I simply pick up where I left off and continue in a different direction (hopefully the right one this time).

Starting over isn’t ideal. Once you’ve started something and have a clear vision for it there should be no turning back. You should never see that rough patch as a reason to begin all over again when it isn’t necessary. You can’t complain about how hard it is to begin again if you are going to keep giving up when it gets hard.

Ms. L. told me the other day that I have to start seeing the things in myself that other people see in me and she went on to list a lot of attributes that she saw in me that made me feel a little embarrassed. I wasn’t embarrassed because I was flattered necessarily (although I was) but more so because I couldn’t see what it is that she sees. But if I had to list one strong attribute about myself that I firmly believe is true and can clearly see in myself, I would have to say it is that I never give up.

I get knocked down (a lot), and admittedly I stay down for longer than I should at times, but I have never just completely given up. I’ve wanted to. I sulk, I cry, I ask why me a countless number of times (which I know I need to stop doing), and then I suck it up, I reevaluate the situation, I get up and I get moving again. Sometimes I am only operating on a hope and a prayer, but sometimes that is all that you need in order to operate. For anyone out there who is thinking about giving up on something that they know is meant for them, don’t. It will just make things a lot harder when you have to start all over again. Stop starting over with a new (not always better) plan. Instead just stop giving up on the old one.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”