Tag: goals

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Who’s Still Afraid of Rejection? Oh Yeah, That Would Be Me

June 1, 2012 jcladyluv

“Believe in yourself and in your own voice, because there will be times in this business when you will be the only one who does. Take heart from the knowledge that an author with a strong voice will often have trouble at the start of his or her career because strong, distinctive voices sometimes make editors nervous. But in the end, only the strong survive.”

~Jayne Ann Krentz

Yes, I said it. As much as I try to convince others not to be afraid to go after what they want for their dreams and to not always be afraid that someone is going to say no, I have not yet been able to take my own advice. But isn’t that how it always goes? You tell someone to go for it, don’t be afraid, go big or go home, and all of those other motivating and encouraging things you say to your friends, that you whole heartedly mean when you’re saying them, yet somehow you still can’t apply that rule of thumb to you and your life’s dreams.

I can’t seem to move out of my own damn way. I keep putting it on my to do lists that I have to get these query letters to these national magazines that I’ve been dying to see my writing in, or the query letters to this list of agents that I want to possibly represent me, and yet when I go to type up the letters, or even just a simple letter of introduction, I get so caught up in trying to make them perfect. I’ll get the letters done but then when I go over them it just doesn’t scream perfection and I get worried about a rejection that hasn’t happened, and one that can’t if I don’t ever send the damn letters anywhere.

I can’t figure out why I always do this to myself. I know I’m not perfect and while you hear people always talking about pitching the perfect pitch and not sending imperfect query letters out, I know that all of them couldn’t have gotten it right all the time. Their letters couldn’t have always got them a guaranteed acceptance from the publication or agent of their choice. So why is it that I can’t get the notion of perfection out of my head?

It’s seriously holding me back and the truth of the matter is that the most imperfect query letter is the one that never gets seen by anyone. Next week I am going to make it my mission to get up the courage with being okay that I’m not perfect and that my letters most likely won’t be perfect, but at least they will be sent out, and at least, if they do get rejected by everyone I send them to, they were still seen.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

When Life Gives You Teachable Moments…

May 15, 2012 jcladyluv

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”

~Author Unknown

In being a mother there are always those moments where you just sit back and let your child learn their hard lessons on their own, usually the hard way. However, there are other times when you see your child going through some of the same things that you may have went through when you were around their age, and you want to just stop them and advise them with your experience as their guide. The lessons don’t always sink in, but you still want to take that moment and make it a teachable one.

While it may not make sense to them at that moment, much like you did when you got older, they will see the value in that lesson when they least expect it. Every now and then, you will even teach yourself those same lessons all over again while trying to impart wisdom on them.

Recently I have been trying to help my daughter deal with the issue of being teased and picked on and bullied at school by her classmates. It’s been painful to see her go from loving to go to school and learn new things to hating the fact that she has to go because of those very kids in her class. I try my best to help her try and find ways to deal with the situation but so far, nothing has really stuck.

I even try to use my experience of having gone through the exact same things when I was in elementary school and having to learn the ways to deal with it the hard way and it seems to help her for about a week (if that) but then she started acting out in class (which is completely unlike her) in response to her classmates bothering her. When she tries to blame whatever they did to antagonize her for the reason why she chose to act out in class, I make sure to let her know that no one else is responsible for her actions but her.

I remind her that she is supposed to know what’s right and wrong and that no matter what someone else does to her, she knows the appropriate ways to respond and that acting out is not one of them. She cries that she doesn’t understand why they are mean to her and because I don’t know why, I just tell her that she can’t control how people feel or what they do, but she can control how she reacts to them.

I reminded her of how much she loves school, and loves to learn new things and that she shouldn’t allow the children in her class to have that much power over her. As I was telling her this I began to remind myself of the very same thing with certain negative people in my life.

I spent a lot of time in my youth worried about what everyone was going to say about me. I worried whether people were going to like me and I went out of my way doing things (not extremely terrible things) that were out of character for me because I wanted certain people to like me. It worked a lot of the times but then I never really knew if it was me who they liked or just the person I was pretending to be for them.

Even though I don’t bother pretending for anyone anymore, there are certain people, one in particular, that I still find myself wanting their approval. But having to try and teach my daughter to not allow other people to dictate what she does or who she is, I realize that that lesson is not just for her, it’s one that I am still not finished learning.

A person’s negativity only has power over you if you allow it to and you should never, no matter who that person is, allow someone to have that much control over what you do or how you feel. No matter if that person is the closest of friends or even a family member you can not allow that person’s actions or words dictate yours.

We are all responsible for our own actions and choices, and yes, our inaction as well. If we allow someone’s hurtful words or behavior to keep us down and keep us from doing something that we know in our heart is right then we can not place the blame on them. No one can have that kind of power over you unless you give them that power.

What we do or don’t do; the dreams we carry out or don’t carry out; are our own responsibilities and no one else’s. It may be wrong for someone to purposely try and tear us down but we are the only ones that can allow them to succeed.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Time Sure Does Fly When Your Goals Aren’t Being Met

May 11, 2012May 11, 2012 jcladyluv

The year so far has gone by so fast already. We are already in the month of May and I find myself feeling like I just want to hit the rewind button and begin this year all over again.

I had set out to do so many things this year and once again I am in another year of endless letdowns (some of my own making). I don’t know if it is that I set my goals for this year way too high or if I just didn’t bust my ass hard enough to make them happen by any means necessary (probably the latter).

I wanted to travel this year (nowhere specific, just anywhere to get out ofMaryland). I wanted to have my second novel in process of publication already and getting ready to make its debut to the world. I wanted to go to a vocal coach and get my voice back in shape because I wanted to make use of it before it’s too late. I wanted my freelance writing career to become a lot more successful then it has been and getting me to the level of income that allowed me to do the things I wanted to do this year.

So much time I have wasted worrying and stressing about the everyday necessary single mama type of things that there just wasn’t any energy left over for the things that I just want for me. I know that you are probably saying that it’s not too late, the year isn’t over just yet and that is true, but it’s hard for me, at this very moment, to see this year turning out the way I had hoped it would.

I could’ve sworn that this year was going to be my year. I could feel it deep down in the very pit of my soul. Were my gut instincts wrong? Was I thought off in my timing? Is it next year that I have to look forward to?

Well the year isn’t over yet and I do still have a lot of things I could still put in the works, at the very least, to begin the next year off with a good start. I just hope that I can still make the rest of this year that is left count for something.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

I Never Was the Best at Juggling Too Many Balls

May 9, 2012 jcladyluv

“In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking.”
~Sir John Lubbock

Yesterday was the first day of the first class for my Master’s Program in Psychology. I have gone through both frustration and excitement about getting back into school for months now as I went through the enrollment process. It’s something that has always been on my life goal list and that I knew I would not be satisfied had I never completed it.

My excitement faded a little as I read over the syllabus and realized just how hard this was going to be. It’s not as if I expected it to be easy, I mean it’s a Master’s program so the expectations are automatically high. I guess the doubts just hit me as I read over all that had to be tackled in just the first class alone.

I began to wonder ‘why did I sign up for this’ and ‘what exactly did I get myself into’. I started to doubt whether I can really do this successfully. But of course you know the doubts eventually go away and while I am still wondering every other minute if I can handle such an intense program, I am not a quitter and there is no way I am going to turn back now.

The one thing about going back to school that works somewhat in my favor (sometimes it works against me) is that it forces me to have to be more organized in the managing of my time. With this being the Master’s program in which I can’t get anything lower than a B (although I’m striving for all A’s), my need for being better at multi-tasking is even greater now than ever before.

Not only do I have to juggle being a single mother and a struggling writer trying to become more successful with my Freelancing career, but I have to factor in school as well. This makes me have to come up with a time management plan that absolutely has to work because I can’t afford for it to fail.

Have I mentioned I was never good at juggling, hence my inability to master the art of time management in the most recent months. I suppose that I just happen to be one of those people that work better and more effectively when I am under pressure and on some kind of deadline. Well I am definitely going to deal with many deadlines from now until the time I finish my Master’s Degree (especially since I don’t plan to set aside my writing goals). I guess I have to learn to get a lot better at my juggling skills.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

I Always Wonder If I Made the Right Choice in Choosing My Dream

April 24, 2012 jcladyluv

“Have the courage to follow your dreams. It’s the first step towards attaining your destiny.”

~Nikita Koloff

I was reading a post on a new blog I stumbled on earlier this morning (The Write Life) and it got me thinking about all of the energy and time and money (although not enough of it) and emotions that I have put into my writing and trying to become more successful and get my name out there. It made me wonder if it has all just been a waste of time and whether or not my time would be better spent working some 9 to 5 job sitting behind some desk typing memos, making copies, and running errands for some boss that I bitch and moan about to my friends as soon as I step foot in my door.

Perhaps I should have continued to work to build up someone else’s business and continue being frustrated at the lack of time it allowed me to spend with my daughter. I certainly would have more money to my name than I do now. I certainly wouldn’t be in a state of perpetual struggle wondering what happens if I don’t have a client, or what happens if I don’t sell my books. I wouldn’t be in a position where I have to rely on my ability to be fearless (which most days isn’t present) just to be able to put my name out there and get my work seen by the right people (or people who know the right people).

If I had only chosen some other profession that held a more stable foundation and didn’t provide so much uncertainty, then I might be able to take trips to wherever I want, or throw huge wonderful birthday parties for my daughter, or buy clothes for my daughter as soon as she needs them, or not always be a month behind in paying bills. I think about the fact that I would be a lot less stressed if I just had a steady stream of income and didn’t choose to go full force at trying to make this thing happen and decide that I wanted to be an at home (or work at home) mother for my daughter.

A lot of times (more times than I would care to admit) I have those questions run through my head. Always wondering if I’m a bad mom for choosing my dream over the comfort-ability that lies in always knowing for certain when the next pay check is coming. But after all of the doubts and fears are swept away, I think about all of the time that I have had with my daughter that I would’ve had to give up and the frustration that I would have continued to feel because I wasn’t able to fully give my writing the attention it needed or deserved when I was working for someone else, and I believe that I have made the right choice, at least the right one for me.

I know that there are plenty of writers out there who do have a regular9 to 5job in which writing coincides with and I applaud them. I admire the balance that they are able to have and still maintain their sanity. I just wasn’t one of those people who could do that.

Now no one may understand my choice that I made years ago to never go back to working for someone else (at least not in fields and professions that didn’t have anything to do with my passion for writing). They may see my struggling as proof that it is not the way for them to go about it. They may (and most likely do) think that I am crazy for not choosing the certainty of knowing when the money is coming in. They may be right.

However, when I see the happiness that my daughter feels knowing that I’m going to be the one taking her to school and picking her up and helping her with her homework, I know that I must have done something right. When I see how proud she is to know her mom is a writer and being able to encourage her to follow her dreams knowing that I followed mine, it makes me feel like its all worth it; all of the uncertainty and the struggle. There will always be days when I think that I am wasting my time, where I wonder if what I’m doing really makes a difference, but I just have to remember to take a step back and look at what I have already accomplished and know in my heart that I made the best decision, for the both of us.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Writers Do More Than Just Write

April 23, 2012 jcladyluv

I think back to the days when I actually thought that being a writer only entailed writing. But we writers, we do way more than just write. I am slowly figuring out that among the many things on the list of our duties is being a public speaker. It is something that most, if not all, writers must adapt to. It is one thing that I struggle with the most.

Just the thought of being in front of people and talking about myself or my work makes me nervous and begin to feel my anxiety level rise. It’s actually funny because most people that know me would say that it is hilarious to think of me not being able to talk in front of people because I seem to be able to hold a conversation so well.

However, the reality is that being as though writing is my destiny and my purpose and I know that I have to do whatever it takes to be successful at it, I have to learn to get over my consistent state of stage fright. It’s only going to hold me back, and it’s only going to limit me from the possibilities that lie ahead of me. My opportunities reside in the extra steps that I take to get where I need to be.

It is amusing to me when someone dismisses writing as a hobby and not really being a job. When I tell people I am a writer they usually say something to the effect of, ‘oh so you don’t really have a job’. My response is (after rolling my eyes at the audacity that they would have to say that) is ‘writing is a job, why don’t you try it and tell me it isn’t work.’ What I don’t think people get is that writing is hard work.

Writers are many things. Our lists of duties extend far beyond the realm of putting words on paper. We are our own promoters and marketers, we are our own accountants (unless you’re making enough to afford one), we are editors, we are researchers, we are public speakers, we are activists, we are musicians, we are directors, we are motivators, and we are entrepreneurs. A Writer certainly does way more than just write.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

I Know It Doesn’t Seem Like I Was Productive Today…

April 18, 2012 jcladyluv

Every day is not going to be the most productive day like I usually imagine it to be when I get out of bed in the morning. I imagine that after I take my daughter to school, go do my workout at the gym, come home to shower and get dressed that I would be ready to load myself with a cup (or two) of coffee and get straight to work. However, it does not always work out that way.

A part of me becoming more focused on my goals and turning my dreams into reality is to make sure that I am more productive everyday. Sometimes that calls for me to begin to realize that productivity does not just lie in the work that’s being done in a manner that can be always be seen.

Even if at the end of a day I don’t have a thousand words on my novel written, or I don’t write two or three query letters to be sent out, or I haven’t started that outline for the next novel that I was supposed to start the other day, or I don’t have the most prolific words for my blog post, it doesn’t mean that work is not being done.

A lot of times a writer’s work begins in their minds first. An idea formulates and is planned out in extensive detail within the walls of your mind and it takes life all before you even take pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Research is also a big part of a writer’s world because that aspect of any project is extremely important and can not be avoided.

So on days like today, when I start to begin beating myself up for not having a finished query letter to send off, or for not being words closer to completing my novel, I have to remind myself that it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t productive. I do an enormous amount of my work in my head, and another large part is done in my research efforts. I can’t allow myself to feel like I’m not getting things done just because I don’t have a finished product. Some days my mind just needs to do the work within its walls and that’s okay.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Visualizing You Are Already Where You Want To Be

April 4, 2012 jcladyluv

“Attract what you want by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.”

~Neville Goddard

I was watching Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS last night and his program, Wishes Fulfilled. I got a lot out of the three hour motivational program (and dvr’d it so that I can go back and get more out of it later). He said things that I in some ways already knew and realized but sometimes hearing them from someone else, from another perspective, changes the way you receive the information. When his program opens he has a statement on the projector screen for the viewing audience that states “If you would like to accomplish something, you must first expect it of yourself.” Makes sense right?

I know that if you succumb to the negativity that builds up around you, you are going to eventually project that same negativity into every facet of your life. This week is about me getting my fire back that I once had and somehow lost. It’s also about getting back to that person who didn’t always let the negativity surrounding her overtake her. It’s about getting rid of that mentality of being so fearful of everything that she never enjoys what good could be happening in the present moment.

I thought that I would be in a certain place at this point of my life and because I’m not there yet I’m doubting every decision I make, every decision I don’t make, every opportunity that I take, and especially the ones that I don’t take. People always say to go with your gut when making crucial life decisions, but lately I’ve realized that my gut instincts aren’t what they once were because of that damn fear. It’s keeping me from seeing myself in the state that I want to be in and I know that if I don’t begin to see myself in that place, I might never get to that place.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said that people who say that they will believe something when they see it have it all wrong. He said that you will only see it when you believe it, and he’s right. I mean after all, if you can’t believe in and see it for yourself then how is anyone else going to be able to see it?

So instead of continuing to wish that I was more of a success, and agonizing over why I’m not, I need to act as if I am at the level of success that I want to be at. I should imagine that I am already in that place where my company is not only up and running, but it’s going strong. I can see it now!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Spring Cleaning for Creativity’s Sake

March 28, 2012 jcladyluv

Ms. L.’s post yesterday reminded me that it’s that time of year again. You know, the time when everyone starts to begin thinking about all of the spring cleaning they have to do. I am really big on getting into the whole spring cleaning vibe and going through and tossing out old clothes, doing a big clean up around the house that involves not only mopping all floors but also wiping down all surfaces until they are spotless, and tackling the re-organizing my tiny little corner of an office in my room. But spring cleaning should not stop after the household messes that we have been putting off for just such a time for mass clean-up are actually done.

For us creative types spring cleaning doesn’t just end at the household, but it transcends to spring cleaning your mind, your spirit, and your body, in an effort to spark your creativity and become even more productive. For me, there are three things that affect my creativity in a negative way; if my house is a mess, if my body isn’t feeling its best, and if my mind is cluttered with conflicting and contradicting thoughts.

I feel like it’s not just my house that I have to get in order (as far as cleaning), but that I need to amplify my efforts on maintaining good healthy habits (helps with the stress), and most of all I need to really get my head in the right frame of mind and focused on what’s important and what needs to be done. As you all know I am really concentrating on getting that fire back about my writing goals and making the things happen that I want to happen. Hopefully spring cleaning on all fronts will help me do that.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”