Tag: Lessons

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A Lesson in Life that Skating Reminded Me Of

April 9, 2012 jcladyluv

Today I took my daughter skating. I thought it was a good way to end her spring break and I thought it would be good fun for her. I hadn’t intended on skating as well, I just wanted to sit on the sidelines and watch her hold onto the wall as she made her way around. Just as she did the last time I took her skating, which was two years ago for her birthday, she asked me to skate with her. I told her no because truth be told my knee was really bothering me. I sent her out into the rink and watched her take about five minutes (maybe more) to make her way around the first time.

After her first trip around she came to me and said she wanted to go home, that it was harder then she remembered. I reminded her that we don’t quit on things just because they seem hard at first and that the only way to get good at anything was to keep going back out there and trying. I assured her that she would get better at it just like she did the first time we went skating and the time she went skating with her class at school. It inspired me to go get a pair of rental skates myself (I hate putting my feet where others have been) and make my attempt to skate with her, as she requested.

Now I used to be a really good skater back in my teenage years but other than the attempt I made two years ago I haven’t really skated and with all of the aches and pains settling in within my body I get nervous at the thought of skating (or at least the part where I fall). I was truly terrified to get out there on the floor of that skating rink but I did it and pretty soon I was even able to let go of the wall, at least some of the time.

I believe that seeing me get out there and not giving up even inspired my daughter to let go of the wall a few times herself. I even noticed her gathering speed a couple of times, but she didn’t want to quit anymore. In fact when it came time to leave she didn’t want to go. I made a promise to her that we would go skating more often now. I had actually started to have fun myself and I forgot just how much fun skating was.

The thing about skating that I can relate to real life experiences sometimes is that it has a lot to do with being resilient. With skating, especially if you haven’t done it in a long time, there is always a good chance that you will fall (in fact unless you are a pro it’s kind of expected), but you don’t have a choice but to get back up again. You can’t just sit there and give up because you have to, at the very least, get back up if you want to get out the skating rink.

Much like skating, in life when something or someone knocks you down, maybe even literally knocking the wind out of you, you have to get back up. More importantly, you have to realize that you are going to fall many time but you have to keep getting back up again. It’s amazing that I got all of that out of skating but sometimes it’s the little things that you underestimate that have some of the biggest lessons for you to learn from. I can’t wait to get good at skating again and to help my daughter get to that point where she can let go of the wall and go it alone. Won’t that be something?

By the way I did, in fact, fall, but I got back up and skated around a few more times. It was so much fun!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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Banishing the Age Old Excuse

April 6, 2012 jcladyluv

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.”

~Dale E. Turner

This morning as I was watching the news they started talking about baseball (which is my least favorite sport, next to golf) and I started to go into my usual mode whenever I heard baseball mentioned, ignore mode. But this time something caught my attention, enough to actually make me sit and listen.

They were discussing the oldest major league pitcher to have ever played baseball. Jamie Moyer is a 49 year old pitcher who is now playing with the Colorado Rockies after suffering an elbow injury in 2010 that caused him to lose an entire season of playtime. The injury required him to have reconstructive surgery (Tommy John Surgery) with an estimated recovery time of at least a year.

The word throughout the sports world was that his career was most likely over because this was not his first injury. However, Jamie Moyer had other things in mind then letting go of his career, although his career has already surpassed many of the people he came into the league with and he was now playing with men of the next generation of baseball.

All he wanted was the chance to prove to all of the people who said he was too old or that he didn’t throw hard enough anymore that he could in fact do this once again. They gave him his chance and he proved them wrong and now he could potentially be making history as the oldest major league baseball pitcher to ever win a game.

It got me to thinking about all of the times that I doubted continuing my efforts as a writer because I was starting to feel as though maybe I was getting too old to be starting out in this career. I mean in my mind I should’ve already done so many great things within my career by now and I have, instead, been stuck going around in circles. Watching that story on the news this morning taught me something. The age factor is only in my mind, not anyone else’s.

Jamie Moyer commented that “as long as you have an opportunity you can succeed, but you have to be willing to put the time and the effort into it.” Essentially as long as the opportunities keep presenting themselves to me, I don’t have a reason (or rather an excuse) to not go after them.

People often tell me that I waste a lot of time watching TV and watching the news, but I never listen to that because I know what I get out of it. I get inspiration and I get motivated. I hear other people’s stories and experiences and I receive the wisdom and lessons that they try to impart to those that are watching and listening.

Today, just in those five minutes that I watched that news piece I saw someone who wouldn’t let people tell him he was too old to continue on with his dream. I saw someone who didn’t use his age as an excuse to just give up. I heard something that motivated me to give up my last excuse for not going after every single opportunity that comes my way, especially the ones that are a pathway to my dreams.

I will only be too old when I can’t write anymore and my fingers can’t translate the words from my mind onto paper (or computer screen). As long as I have ideas in my head and the ability to convey them, I will never be too old. Hell even in my senior years (I mean really old-80’s old), I can still dictate my thoughts into a tape recorder and (if the arthritis has really set in) have someone else type up my work. Age really is just a number, not a dream killer!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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Complaining Never Solves Anything

February 23, 2012 jcladyluv

“Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.”

~Proverb

The other day my daughter was having a particularly moody day and she seemed to be complaining about everything. I was really tired of hearing her complain but she gets it honestly because I am also a big time complainer and whiner (still working on getting better at that). So I decided to convey to her what I had learned over the years of my life and am still in the process of learning as I struggle to curtail my need to complain on a regular basis. I told her that if she stops complaining and whining about the things that she has no control over, she could actually start to realize and appreciate the benefits of what it is she’s complaining about. Essentially if she changes her attitude about things she may find that she actually enjoys them or at the very least can learn from them.

I only wish that I had realized that a long time ago. Even now, while I don’t complain about things nearly as much as I used to, I still have a problem with feeling the need to complain my way through a hard time. At the end of the situation the only thing that I really managed to do was waste a lot of time that I can’t ever get back. I took so much extra time that I didn’t have to work my way through whatever problem it was that didn’t need to be thrown away and it didn’t erase the problem, it only made it take longer to get through.

Being a mom teaches you so many lessons that sometimes never really sink in until you are having those teachable moments with your own children. More than likely your parents tried to have those same teachable moments with you and they just didn’t stick. Attitude has a lot to do with how situations are managed and how you deal with them. If you can change your attitude, you can ultimately change your situation.

I have discovered that complaining about any given problem only gives that problem power over your life and over your circumstances. So in order to take that power away from the problem, you’ve got to stop complaining about it and in a sense dwelling over it. Once you do stop and change your attitude about the situation you will find that you can get through the problem in a more positive and productive way that won’t waste a whole lot of time that you don’t have. My daughter said that she understood what I was trying to say (but she’s 8 so I believe it went in one ear and out the other) but even if she didn’t get it while I was saying it, I hope that it will sink in eventually. Until tomorrow…Don’t complain your way through your struggles, smile your way through it and it will be over before you know it.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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The Questions We Ask Ourselves, and God (Part 2): How Did I End Up Here?

February 14, 2012 jcladyluv

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”

~ Unknown

The way our lives unfold is due to a series of choices. We wonder to ourselves how we ended up in whatever rough spot we are in but it is often because of the choices that we have made over a period of time. Not just one choice, because one misguided choice would be simple to bounce back from. Sometimes it is a succession of choices made that lead us down the path that landed us at that point in our lives.

But you must then take into account where here really is. We often get so caught up with the struggle we are in the midst of that we aren’t focusing on realizing what it is we need to do to get out of that moment. I am extremely guilty of wallowing in whatever overwhelming mess my journey seems to be taking me through. Sometimes it takes me awhile to stop dwelling on the obstacle long enough so that I can see a way through it. I usually tend to waste a lot of time asking ‘How did I get here?’ instead of realizing that maybe, for that particular part of my journey, here is exactly where I needed to be.

Everything happens for a reason and as many times as you will hear that saying, it will probably always take a while for it to sink in. We give so much energy and time to what we can’t change, the obstacle that is sitting dead center in the middle of our journey. It’s time that is wasted. It is time that you can not get back. And all the while, as you stare at that obstacle wondering why you chose that path to begin with, the obstacle is still sitting there. You staring at it and questioning where it came from does not move it out of your way.

Wherever your ‘Here’ is, make sure you don’t waste too much time questioning the obstacle instead of moving through it. And don’t forget to take the lessons you’ve learned with you to your next stop in the road.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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What I Learned From Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of Eat, Pray, Love

January 30, 2012 jcladyluv

I was watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday yesterday morning and she had Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, on for a portion of the show. I got a lot of things from listening to her story or self-discovery. She talked about moments of stillness and being able to listen to that voice inside ourselves that we tend to keep ignoring. But one of the things that I was not expecting to hear was her discussing the power of saying no.

So many times you hear people advise others that we say no too often and we end up shutting ourselves off to many opportunities that we weren’t receptive too. But on the flip side, there are those of us who spend so much time taking care of everyone else, and being there for everyone else, that we end up taking ourselves for granted. Elizabeth Gilbert spoke about having to learn how to say No to people and learning how to not feel guilty about it.

We all have experienced having those around us that just literally suck the life out of us. They probably don’t do it intentionally (although some do) but their constant need to lean on you and their constant expectation that you will always be there no matter what can drain you emotionally and eventually physically. Sometimes we really do need to just stand up for our own emotional health and say no when we need to. That’s not saying that we can’t ever be there for the people who need us again. That’s saying that you have to be there for you first. Until tomorrow…Take some time out for you and don’t feel guilty about the no’s you will have to say in order to do it.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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With Age Comes Wisdom

January 24, 2012 jcladyluv

I am not sure whether or not I have gotten smarter over the years but I do believe that as each year has passed by I have gotten wiser. At the gym that I have been a member of for almost three years now there are mostly older women and men that attend, mostly in the age range of about fifty and sixty. I listen to the stories they tell about the places they’ve been in life and the things they’ve seen. I hear them recount the trials and tribulations that they have endured and I take in the stories and experiences that they share. I listen and I would like to think that I am wiser for the information that I have taken in.

I have heard many quotes and sayings about wisdom but the one that I gravitate to the most is that wisdom comes from a willingness to be a student of life. It comes from a willingness to be a life long learner. Wise people learn that success does not come from a certain set of circumstances, but rather, from a certain set of attitudes. Listening to the older people I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by has allowed me to change certain things about myself. I’ve learned a lot from them but mostly I learned that success does stem from your attitude and not necessarily your circumstances.

The older people I talk to daily have had some terrible circumstances and many tragic things that they have endured but they didn’t let their circumstances dictate how they journeyed on. Their attitudes were that of survival and moving past those circumstances and learning from them. So many times people (myself included) let their circumstances control the outcome of their lives instead of having the attitude of resilience. I think that I have made progress on adjusting my attitude and my reaction to certain circumstances and it is because I have gained more wisdom in the last few years from the older generation of people that I have come into contact with than I could ever possibly get only going to an institution for learning.

I think that I have become that student of life and have grown more than a willingness to be a life long learner. I learn, not just from school and the books that I read or the information I research, but I learn from living and from those who have lived life a long time before me. It is good to be intelligent but being wise is something totally different. If you just keep repeating the same mistakes and behaviors then you aren’t very wise because you haven’t learned from what you have already lived through. It is my hope that we all not only strive to become smarter but also wiser because with time being so precious, we have to be wise enough to not make the same mistake twice. Until tomorrow…Remember that fools learn nothing from wise men but wise men learn much from fools!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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A Lesson in Losing Gracefully

December 18, 2011 jcladyluv

“I get it now; I didn’t get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible…and enjoying everything in between.”

~Mia Farrow

You know as a parent you only hope that each talk that you have with your child makes an impression, but more importantly that it makes the right impression. You hope that you communicate the right thing (what you intended) and not that they only hear the opposite of what you are saying. I guess most of us are all winging it in the parent department because the fact is that the rules keep changing with every generation that comes along.

Last night I found myself having to explain to my daughter (probably for the hundredth time), after she started pouting because I beat her in a video game, that it is important to know how to be a graceful loser. Her first response was ‘huh?’ and she clearly didn’t understand what that meant (she’s 8 so that’s understandable). She said that she always wins that game and didn’t want her record as champion to be erased. I reminded her that she’s not going to always be able to win and when she does lose at something she needs to learn how to do it gracefully and without pouting about it. She claimed that she understood but I could tell by the pout that she failed to remove from her face that she didn’t.

So without taking away her determination to always be a winner (because she’s going to need that in this world) I sat her down and tried to impress upon her that we all want to be winners at everything that we do but it is impossible to win at everything, all of the time. I reinforced that while it is important that she always tries to do her best at every single thing that she does, that she shouldn’t get discouraged, or throw a tantrum because she doesn’t win.

Now I don’t know how good a job I did at making her understand the art of losing gracefully (seeing as though I’m still trying to master that myself) but I can only hope that I didn’t suppress her determination to succeed. Lord only knows that my mother never talked to me about the art of losing or winning with grace so I am really just praying that I’m saying all of the right things. Until tomorrow…What lessons are you winging it on when it comes to your children?

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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Lessons We Can Learn From Our Children

December 12, 2011 jcladyluv

It’s easy for us as parents to get annoyed with children who just keep pestering you until they get their way, and to get frustrated with their complete disregard for danger or consequences. Sometimes what can also get on our nerves is when children go from one activity to the next as if it is their money that they are wasting on that particular activity. However, we as parents can learn a lot from our children and their sometimes annoying behavior.

Children have such persistence and resilience within them. Their fearlessness allows them to try a multitude of things without the thought of failure. What we see as their indecisiveness and constant change of activities should be acknowledged as them trying to find what interests they are better suited for so that they can master what they are truly good at. Children are really good teachers sometimes and perhaps we should take a few pages from their book.

If we didn’t think so much about the failures that we might encounter, we may be more inclined to seek out more adventures and endeavors. If we were as persistent as our children to get what it is that we want out of life, perhaps we might learn to always go after what it is that we want and to never settle for less then what we deserve.

Just imagine what we could do in this world if we followed the words that we often tell our children; to always go after what you want and never let anything get in your way; to figure out what your purpose is and then be the best that you can be at it; and to never be so afraid to fail that you never try to begin with. Until tomorrow…What lessons could you learn from your children?

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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Lessons In Failure

January 26, 2011February 8, 2011 jcladyluv

“Some failure in life is inevitable; it is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you fail by default.”

~ J.K. Rowling

The fear of failure is paralyzing. It is much like a parasite that sucks all of the hope, determination, and courage out of you; chipping away at your will to succeed little by little, day by day, obstacle by obstacle. But much like any debilitating illness that takes a hold of your body, there is a recovery process. It may take longer than you think to get there but the key is wanting it bad enough and keeping your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is safe to say that we are all going to fail at some point in our lives. It is both what we do with, and how we chose to perceive that failure that determines whether it will cripple us or make us stronger. Where some people get off track is in perceiving any moment of failure as anything but a much needed step forward in our road to success. If we never fail it means we have never taken any risk and that we have always played things safe. But playing it safe isn’t really living.

We need failure. Yes it causes us to doubt ourselves, to lose sight of our purpose, even to think about giving up altogether. But it also brings about a realization. It humbles us while strengthening us. It breaks us down and then builds us back up. It renews our fight and determination to achieve the things that we really want out of life. Without our failures we might never truly appreciate or grasps the depths of our successes. If you are afraid to fail then you are essentially afraid to live because in living your life to its fullest potential, failure is inevitable.

For a large part of my life I have let the fear of failure immobilize me. Always trying to remain cautious; using the excuse of maintaining a routine as a reason to ward off change, all the while staying stuck in the same place because of it. From here on out I am not going to be so afraid to fail that I never even try to succeed. Instead I plan to embrace my failures, every single one of them, because they all mean something. Whether it is something good or something bad, it is a lesson nonetheless. Our failures show us what we did wrong so that we can finally get it right. If anyone reading this is struggling with this same fear, let go of it right now. It is that fear of failure that is killing your opportunity for success. Take a risk today, and if you fail, take another one tomorrow. What else do have to lose? Think about what you stand to gain.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://jayceedurant.wordpress.com/